Chicago Wedding and Bridal Blog

I read this post about how many women change their last name after getting married and thought about how this has affected me thus far. I got married to Steve in July of 2009 and I chose to change my last name to his family last name and use my last name as my new middle name, eliminating the middle name. I felt that a shorter simpler name (from 9 letters to 5) would be easier for business since most people when meeting me would be able to pronounce it. I also thought that it was a nice symbolic beginning to our lives together as a married couple.

That is where the happy happy joy joy ended. I was deeply attached to my last name and it’s long consonant filled Polish identity. What is a Yates anyway? It is also somewhat complicated to change your name with all the documentation these days. Everything from my driver’s license to my credit cards had to be changed one by one and none were quick or easy. The social security name update took the longest, with a day off work because they are not ever open on evenings, weekends or holidays. And there are so few offices. The credit cards required you to call since the website could not handle the change and they wanted more verification from you. They did send out a personally signed congrats card though after the call. That was nice from BOA.

But the biggest problem with changing my name is remembering that it is changed. After 34 years it’s still my innate response to say my old last name and then the new one and use both or explain I am recently married and the name change thing hasn’t quite sunk in yet. I also felt like in a way I was abandoning my parents and brother since I’m the only one that has to have a new last name. Its kind of like being forcibly seperated from them on paper even though you know nothing has really changed in real life. (well according to law Steve is now first of kin for everything rather than my parents/brother so it is a change of sorts in real life too) That is why I kept my last name in the middle name slot. I wanted there to be some documentation of my original last name so if/when anything happens my official records list my old last name too so I can be historically linked to my parents/brother. 

So, after all this I don’t think it’s socially awkward for women to give up their last name when they get married but at the same time I know why some of them hyphenate their names or keep the old one. Your identity and everything you do in your job and socially is tied to that name. It seems difficult to start over when you don’t have to. I also see that famous people probably want to keep their names for the recognition standpoint. I also think that it is an issue that you have to change everything back if you get divorced. So, it’s a complicated decision and one that may take a long time to figure out. It is different for everybody.

Footed urns are elegant and classic for wedding centerpieces - Via TheKnot.com- Photo by Erich Camping

TheKnot.com just posted a link on Facebook about their new wedding centerpiece trends. I am not sure who decides these things, but the trend is really all about doing whatever you want. Here is a rundown of their 2010 trends and some options if they aren’t quite what you wanted.

And beware, as you click through the slide show the site keeps redirecting traffic to TheNest.com and leaving TheKnot.com’s site. What a weird way to get extra traffic. (thenest.com is a site that seems like its been shut down with no new content or articles in a while and nobody responds to the comments either) Anyway the new 2010 wedding centerpiece trends are:

1. Anemones are the flower of the moment.Well, Anemones are very vibrant and pretty but they are also temperamental. You can’t take them out of water so you can’t make a bouquet of them, so your bouquet would be very different from all the other flowers at the wedding. They are also seasonal, only available in spring. If you like the look of an open face flower and bright colors consider mini-Gerber daisies instead which are available year round in a wide range of colors and hold up better in bouquets.

2. Multiple Styles of arrangements- I have seen people alternate tables with tall and short arrangements or use clusters of 3-5 small arrangements in the centers of tables and both can work well. I am not a fan of tall arrangements on tables in any situation or style, but variation can be fun if you want the room to have some more personality and creativity. Keep the arrangements related, if they are each different flowers/colors, keep the color of the container consistent (even if the shape is not). If the flowers are all the same, vary the containers. It you are doing multiple arrangements on each table most people opt for cheaper flowers like carnations, mums or roses, yet these common flowers can be arranged in a very modern way and still look very elegant. Who doesn’t like roses?

A beautiful mix/gradient of colors next to eachother on the spectrum

3. Mokara orchids - These are tough orchids that take a lick and keep on ticking. They can be out of water for a while and do well in bouquets and centerpieces. Their main drawback is the limited colors available. Mostly Oranges and Pinks and a few shades of Red. They are expensive, (more than roses) but I think they give the look of elegance, exotic beauty and originality to a wedding. Some people use them in modern centerpieces and others use them in a more traditional one like I did. The style is up to you.

4. Bold Colors Pinks-Orange-Yellow - I think that the use of color can make an impact but I am not sure anyone is looking for draped hot pink or orange tablecloths, seat covers and flowers. I think a base color of white or ivory works well with splashes of color if you like bright intensity. All white tablecloths with gold, white or silver bamboo chairs can be a blank canvas for a bright bold centerpiece and some coordinating color napkins and favors. I do think that the black and white trend has completed its course and looks a bit garish for a wedding, especially if there is more black than white or the tablecloths are black. You can be bold with colors but use them in ways that don’t overpower the room making it look more like Disney World than a wedding reception.

5. Natural Shapes- I am not sure what they mean by this, the picture they show has a footed urn style centerpiece container, of which I like but the flowers are mixed pink & orange. I guess this means less of the uniform color and more variety. I am reluctant to say go wild with the colors in an arrangement and throw everything in, because the 80’s were a lot of that (plus greenery) and we have all seen that for too long. My recommendation is to go with a color and mix dark, light and mid-tones of that color in the arrangement with some interesting or trailing modern greens. Think Reds with Violet or Circus Roses with Golds. Multiple shades of pink also always work well but I prefer pinks mixed with a color next to it on the color spectrum, find a pink-multicolored rose or orchid and use that as a starting point. I went with purples, violets, raspberry and lavender colors together. White can mix well with light greens or pinks, pretty much any cymbidium orchid can be the color basis for building an arrangement or bouquet on with the centers varying in color by a few shades. The fall colors of rustic orange, rust and reds is still popular making fall weddings very hard to book with less than a year in advance.

Green can be elegant and modern at the same time

6. Clear - Um, maybe like ghost chairs? I am not sure clear is a trend we want to go with. Nothing is readily available for doing this at the reception, so if you want fancy Lucite chairs you will have to rent or buy them. Same for fancy clear chandeliers unless the ballroom has them, but I doubt its the modern kind. It seems logical to keep things minimalist and on a base of white tablecloths when you do this look, only punctuating a few points of color in the room. This looks very sleek and spacey but is not really practical. I don’t recommend it.

7. Standout Vases - yes, if I see one more clear glass cube vase I will throw up. Seriously, why can’t the container be interesting? Just because your florist loves that he can get these vases for $0.50 each doesn’t mean you have to have your wedding look cheap with them on every table. It doesn’t matter if they do the corporate thing and wrap a big palm leaf around the stems inside, it still looks like a million other weddings done since 2004. Get something original and buy and supply it to the florist yourself. I did and I loved the results. For really affordable arrangement containers (most $10 or less) go to http://www.jamaligarden.com/ That is where I got mine. You really have to seek out some new materials to look original these days since everyone gets the same stuff from the same places.

8. Lamps instead of centerpieces - with candles on the table. Um, no. Most of us can’t afford to buy 13 small matching lamps and figure out how to get cords out to the tables without tripping anyone. Plus how can you see over them? Interesting maybe for the entry way or the bar, but changing the decor of the hall like that gets expensive. This makes more sense if you have a tent or room with absolutely no decor, then adding lamps brings in a lot more warmth. Kind of like draping tiny white lights from the ceiling does.

9. Using an actual tree as the centerpiece. This could work if they were really small trees in small pots and you can add flowers/lights around them or you have an eco-green themed wedding. Some people in a tent might have really tall ceilings to use larger trees and create kind of a canopy feeling. But remember you have to buy all these trees and then what do you do with them 5 hours later?

10. Napkin Treatments -flowers on or in the napkin arrangement. Um, no. Too expensive for most of us and then you have an awkward moment when the person sits down and doesn’t know what to do with the flower that has no water. It seems like a waste unless you’re Martha Stewart. I like the color of something contrasting with the napkin, so why not wrap up the favor in some pretty wrapping/ribbon and use that in the napkin? Or place a menu in the folds of the napkin and have it printed on colored paper? Cheaper and more functional.

I think the most difficult thing to remember sometimes is to keep the wedding logical. Every florist wants to sell you something that looks amazing and costs a million dollars (their business depends on it) and you have to be the voice of reality. You can achieve a look of elegance and originality by changing things up in ways that don’t destroy the budget.

Love the dress, the hat seems like too much?

I recently read on TheKnot.com that pillbox hats are back in bridal style. I’m not sure what to do with this trend. I think hats can be very elegant, but they are not necessarily the best fashion decision for brides. Remember the 80’s? Big bridal hats with large floppy brims and veils were very popular then, as were bog poofy sleeves and lace ruffled edged everything.

Since wedding gowns have morphed into Oscar gala type formal gowns these days, I am not sure that the addition of a hat would make the ensemble any better.  I do like other things in the hair for brides. Feather fascinators are amazing and so are a lot of the rhinestone hair combs and clips (especially the vintage ones). So, there are plenty of options.

I do like hats for other occasions though. An Easter hat is always fun and who doesn’t get a little excited at the sight of fun winter hats? Cowboy hats: cool. But, wedding hats? Ah, not so much.

My great Aunt Phyllis chose a white suit and a gardenia in her hair, although this look might work with a hat too.

That said if you are looking for a vintage look, a hat might be appropriate with the right wedding gown. You might want to keep it tea-length, off the floor and without a train. I think a great informal wedding dress is one with a just below the knee skirt and a fitted jacket. Kind of a 1940’s style. Yes, its more mature and appropriate for 2nd weddings, but it can also be perfect for your first wedding.

I think there are fewer rules about what you can/should wear to get married now, than in the last 50 years so if you really have your heart set on wearing a wedding pillbox hat or any kind of hat with a veil, try it out with your dress and see if it’s your style. If you like it, don’t listen to anyone else’s opinion, you are the person who really has to be happy with the look for your wedding day.

This morning I ran across an article on Advertising Age about Bridal Magazines. The writer is a soon-to-be groom and he gives an opinion on the outlook for bridal magazines in the current economy.

I do agree that Bridal & Wedding Magazines probably do have a better prospect than most magazines in this economy because they are such a permanent fixture with the bridal planning process. Or at least the older generation.

When I was newly engagedI received a pile of wedding magazines from my mom (who had already skimmed them by the time I got over to her house) and a few from my mother-in-law-to-be also. Both had the idea that there were wedding dresses advertised in the magazines that would be helpful in my search. (I did appreciate the help)

Later I began buying some wedding magazines also thinking, this is the only time in my life that I will be able to buy a bridal magazine in my life, and they have been staring me in the face for years. So, I had quite a few.

What we all thought was that they would be helpful in getting info for planning the wedding and buying a dress. I was kind of disappointed though.

• None of the girls in the dress ads looked anything like my body type so the dress style shopping was impossible, since all styles look great on toothpick skinny models.
• The wedding gowns are also advertised by national brands and not the stores that sell them so you don’t know if you can even find that dress locally let alone try it on before paying thousands to buy it. (no wonder we end up buying more than one dress)
• A lot of the advice was the same about registering for and buying lots of stuff. Not really very practical.
• The flowers and table setting decor they featured was unrealistic also since most people go with some kind of banquet hall that has stock china and silverware and it is not customizable to your colors/theme.
• All the flower designs and themes looked the same between the magazines. I really had to find ideas on the internet before I got the color chosen. You need hundreds of ideas to choose from in order to find something you think will work, not just 3 or 4. And they get repetitive when a lot of people are getting married and you end up doing the same colors.
• A lot of these magazines are national and the vendors you need are local. No wonder the Knot.com gets so much traffic. They have actual listings of vendors with ratings in your area. I found my photographer there. (not the best one ever, but ok)
• None of the magazines had actual reviews from real brides in them. They were just a lot of paid ads saying everything was great and not listing prices. Prices are something you need to know from the start because there are so many different price range budgets that people plan a wedding within.
• The hair and makeup suggestions they listed were also not relevant because nobody in the magazines had thin shoulder length hair. Wy go through all the trouble of doing up the models when nobody looks like that?

So, overall I don’t think the bridal magazine business is bulletproof in this economy. I feel like wedding magazines that aren’t honest and upfront about the vendors, services, reviews and costs will probably perish in a few years. Only the ones that have a large online presence will survive, as well as the ones that are about cutting edge wedding design.

After all, I thought these magazines were fun, but ultimately wasted a lot of my time because nothing listed in them was available here or affordable to me personally. I ended up planning the entire wedding through email, phone, websites, PDF and sharepoint, so the internet is where brides are looking for information and planning everything. (seriously, the wedding folder in my email has 841 emails)

A few weeks after the wedding I had to recycle them all. I listed 13 Wedding magazines on freecycle and nobody even wanted them for free because they are always changing and they didn’t have any planning value 6 months later. So, about 50 lbs went in the recycle bin. We could have saved a lot of trees by just putting the info online.

So, my advice to wedding mags is to:

• Feature real weddings more than celebrities, and feature all cost ranges too.
• Print advice from real brides and reviews on the vendors locally.
• Print lists of top referred resources by city. location and specialty. This may mean breaking the magazine printing and distribution down by market, but its the only way its relevant. If not, maybe just focus on one area like dresses, then you could cover the entire US by geography in one magazine.
• Feature wedding gowns on real size women, size 8, 12, 14, 16, 18+
• Feature flower bouquets and table arangements in a full range of colors (more options than pink, yellow or white) and mock up a large range of designs, so much gets repeated and it doesn’t have to.
• Print prices so people know what range they are looking at when they walk into a bridal gown salon or store. It helps you save time by not going to a place you can’t afford in the first place. Nobody is going to mortgage a dress in this economy.
• Tone down the buy-buy-buy mode for registries. Nobody has room for or enough guests to afford all that stuff. Nobody needs most of what is listed.
• And lastly feature some information for guys. We found that some of the most difficult planning was finding tuxes, rings and groomsmen gifts. Yes this may have been a direct reflection of my husband’s knowledge of these things, but he didn’t have any help from the magazines either.

The guy in the background looks confused by housewares.

I was over on the Apartment Therapy Blog called the Kitchn (Kitchen) and they had a post linking to another post about advice if you are getting married and starting a wedding (bridal) registry. I have written about our process before but these foodies are more specific about what is required because they know what all those types of knives are for.

I think some of what they say makes sense if you are a cook and do spend a lot of time in the kitchen. Others of us are just happy to have a kitchen aid mix master (don’t ask, we just call it that because for many decades we had a sunbeam) and a working dishwasher.

I think overall the registry process can be helpful in getting a list together of what it is you have already between the two of you and making it obvious what needs to be purged because of age/non-use/broken-ness. It also gets the discussion going with your fiance about what it is he sees as important in the kitchen.

I also think that the process to generate a registry is really difficult. There are way too many choices and it is really difficult to think about what you will need 10 years from now and you can’t just pick what your mom picked because in many cases those products (companies) don’t exist anymore. (seriously, its impossible to find Noritake china these days) 

So, my advice is to plan on making 2-3 trips to the store you plan on registering at before actually registering so you know what kinds of glassware you like (who knows this beforehand?) and what pots and pans you don’t already have. (and read up on anodized aluminum).

I also believe in keeping the registry list small to not overwhelm the guests. I actually think we may have registered for too many things. I was trying to replace things we have that are old and worn out, and yet we never got rid of the old stuff. Maybe when the kitchen is remodeled we will feel like we can use the new stuff? Because now it just sits in boxes in our loft because we feel like its stuff for the new house we can’t buy just yet.

We also had a good experience with Crate & Barrel’s wedding registry and a bad one with Macy’s. At Macy’s they spammed us every day with emails and then deleted items several times that were discontinued. It was hard to find replacements that were similar so a lot of the things we moved over to the Crate & Barrel registry or just left off. Macy’s also shipped things to the wrong address several times after we corrected their website errors for our address several times. It was very frustrating. Crate & Barrel isn’t cheap, but everything worked as it was promised and the items are very nice.

bast decision: We did not register for any daily plates or china plates and kept what we have.

The gifts that we though stood out were:

Most sentimental: The crystal and silverware from our parents as well as some vintage plates/cake plate/server from Aunt Evie that has been in the family for 3 generations.

Most used: The capalon 6qt chef’s pot/pan from my cousin Jeff (we use it almost every time we cook) And the Kitchen Aid Mix Master from my brother and his girlfriend Kelly.

Biggest suprise: A full suite of Tupperware from Steve’s Groomsman, its all very helpful, we just have to get rid of our ancient worn/discolored tupperware now so we have room to store it properly. And a silverware case from Steve’s cousin Ryan and family.  

Most practical: A large cutting board and table cloth from one of my briedsmaids Susan, A turkey roaster & dutch oven from the matron of Honor Amy and the cake decorating kit from another Bridesmaid Amy. All great staples for the kitchen.

Do you have any wedding registry advice to share also?

How many people do you really need at your small wedding?

Its been a few months since I got married and the more I hear about other weddings, the better I feel about our choice to have a small simple intimate wedding in Chicago rather than a huge over the top event. It worked out really well to have just around 100 people and a 4 hour dinner reception.

As much attention as there is for BIG celebrity weddings with TV shows and magazine coverage, I don’t think it shows your love for one another any more when you have a huge expensive event, and I also can’t understand how to afford that kind of huge wedding. Maybe some people have rich parents, but we were pretty average people so even with some help from the parents we didn’t want to go overboard.

We also didn’t think that a small wedding would represent our relationship any less than a huge one. I am not sure how Wedding have gotten to gigantic proportions, but I think people view them as a combination of some kind of celebrity rock star day to have every dream come true that you have ever had, whether it is wedding related or not. I also think women confuse wedding dresses with formal designer gowns and expect the event to look like the Oscars as well.

The thing is you probably will remember the fancy things for a while but over time my hope is that Steve and I remember how we felt on that day and why we decided to get married. I think the bells and whisles will fadw with time anyway, so I am gad we didn’t go overboard.

Simple small bouquets cost less and are lighter to carry also

With that idea in mind here are my top 10 reasons for having a small wedding in Chicago:

10. Smaller weddings with fewer guests cost less. So do weddings that are shorter in length. If you can keep the event shorter it is much more affordable.

9. Your wedding isn’t really about formality unless you’ve grown up with a lot of formal events. We didn’t, so I wanted to be comfortable at my own wedding and be relaxed enough to enjoy being with the guests, so the less formal look of the event and less protocol was a better fit for us.

8. The fewer things you shoe-horn into your wedding day the fewer issues you will encounter. I would guess the ratio is about 2-4 things go wrong per wedding and this gets amplified if yours is planned to the hilt because there is no room for improvisation and no time.

7. The guests have a better time because they are more comfortable at the event and can have some fun

Weddings at home are small and intimate and a lot of fun

actually spending some time with you.

6. Its easier to find a venue for 50 people than it is for 300. Lots of Chicago restaurants would be intimate and perfect for this and really beautiful.

5. If its small, your wedding is more about you and less about silver candle sticks and personalized runners and napkins.

4. You might actually get to spend some time with your new husband and with your guests rather than running around the whole time.

3. You have less of a let down after the wedding if you keep things simple. We had about a week or two after the wedding where we didn’t know what to do with ourselves in the evenings because we didn’t have all the planning to do, but it was relatively minor because we didn’t have a Hawaiian vacation to miss.

2. There is a lot less stress in planning a simple wedding than a complicated formal huge wedding.

1. Its the people you will remember, not the stuff. Likewise with your husband. Hopefully you will remember how you felt about him that day and how wonderful he has been ever since.

our non-matching wedding rings

I ran across this article by New York Wedding Guide  and was surprised how weddings in the Big Apple resemble the weddings in the Windy City. Of course we aren’t as uber fancy as the New York ladies, but we face the same issues with family, wedding planning and finding the right wedding gown.

In the article I was suprised at how many parents paid for the weddings (All!, & Not Fair!) and how steeped in tradition and social graces they are compared to Chicago, but that may be a difference of who you know rather than the location.

Some of the brides had advice about planning your wedding and where to compromise on costs or in my opinion where to compromise on details to save your sanity. All of the brides mentioned fighting/arguing with their spouse about the wedding details at one point or another due to either indecision or different ideas on the vision of the event.

All of the grooms were apparently pretty into the wedding planning which was my experience also. Some girls had difficulty with dresses, invitations and wedding hair like I did. The big shock is always how much it costs, and the decision on whether or not to elope and save the money. (although nobody in the article did, and we didn’t either)

Our self home made and printed menus, favors and place cards.

If you are planning your wedding in Chicago, the article is a good read especially if you have parents in your planning equation. We didn’t so much, we planned most of it ourselves but we asked advice from both sets of parents along the way because we liked their ideas and wanted them to know about the details of the events before it actually happened so they would be more prepared and comfortable without any suprises.

It’s been about 2.5 months since I married Steve and we are still pretty happy with the day and how things came together, (minus some minor snafus) but most of all we’re happy we are together. Or at least I think he is, it’s Fantasy Football Season, so it’s hard to tell.

I am at a bit of an impasse with whether or not to keep this blog open since I heard a few weeks ago that a bunch of my family have found the blog through some links on a site my husband owns. Stupid me, why did we link it?

I started this blog as a way to put genuine honest information out there about what to expect when planning your wedding in Chicago, including costs, the feedback I received, and all my reactions along the way. I never intended the people I am related to, to actually read it.

I wonder how superficial they think I am now that they know we tracked all our costs in Excel and analyzed how to do things every step of the way? Do they think I’m a bridezilla because I complained that the wedding day photographer was late with everything and there were some other snafus? Do they get that I am just trying to talk about it in an effort help other people prevent this from happening to them?

I am not sure, but I have some other posts written that I am not sure I can publish because I know it could/will be read.  I have to think about this for a while.

Merging finances and money processes is one of the first things we ran into with planning the wedding and directly after. The main reasons that merging money comes up so quickly in a marriage were that we had to find a way to both pay for the wedding and then we also had to find a way to deposit the gift checks afterwards.

Before the wedding you can get a joint checking account at a bank (I suggest opening it at a bank you already use and in a convenient location) and both deposit equal amounts into it. We thought about this but did not know that you could have a joint account while not married. (it seems silly in hindsight) If you have other arrangements on how to pay for the wedding (parents or one or the other is paying for the majority) you may not need to merge this part of your finances just yet.  The main financial importance before the wedding is paying the vendors when they have due dates and not fighting about money. We got lucky that we just had a spreadsheet of all the costs and then paid for about half of the costs from our own accounts and logged them.

After the wedding we found that merging our money and financial lives got a little more tricky. First, we had all these wonderful guests that knew we wanted to buy a house and they gave us checks written out to Mr & Mrs ____. Hmmm… We didn’t have any accounts that said that and my name wasn’t changed yet either.

It takes a while for the social security change with the name to happen (mostly because they’re only open weekdays from 9-4, when everyone is working) so we had to have flexibility in the account to accept both names for a while.

We considered using 5/3rd Bank and National City because we both have used them before (and they were local to Chicago), but ended up at Chase instead because they were the ones open past 6 pm, something we need regularly. We were able to open the account with minimal sales pitches for other products in about an hour. At that point the weirdest thing is usually signing in your new name if you are changing it.

After that we decided we needed to get better interest than the 0% in the checking account we just opened and promptly tried to transfer the funds to an online bank because they had a 1.4% interest rate on savings accounts. Interest rates are crazy low right now so it is hard to make anything back in interest but we thought it was a good policy to just start the process anyway. The thing you will find with this process is that it takes a long time (like 3-5 days) for the checks to clear and then another 3-5 days to link accounts. So, don’t plan on doing this in an afternoon like we did.

After all this waiting and planning over several weeks we finally got the right savings amounts in the right buckets for planning purposes. Now comes the monthly bills part of the equation.

I have several friends that decided that they would keep all their finances separate when they got married. I think that is difficult but I understand that it is hard to wipe out everything you have been doing and start over suddenly too. We decided to do some joint accounts for the house, utilities and joint projects and then keep our old seperate ones too. This helps in the short term to give us our own independence when needed and both feel like things are fair with paying the bills too.

We decided we would start with a basic amount in the account to create a cushion and then put in enough each month to cover the mortgage, taxes, utilities and association fees. Other things like the cost of house repairs would come from there also, but the cost of each of our cars, clothes and any other personal stuff comes from our own accounts. Food seems to have fallen in this category, but mostly because we don’t do a lot of grocery shopping and seem to still eat out a lot at work for lunch, we trade off on grocery bills and want to get the points on the credit cards.

If you are combining finances after getting married that are more complicated because either or both of you have property, credit card debt or other monthly expenses you should keep those separate until it is decided how much if any responsibility your spouse wants/can have with them. We don’t carry any credit card balances and my condo sold so we are pretty simple right now. Things ultimately get more complicated once you decide to have kids.

One last note about women and finances. Most women believe they should have a secret stash in case they need to get out of a marriage later on in life for some reason they could not have foretold when they got married. I think the fear of abuse, fear ofending up in financial ruin or divorce are why women decide to do this and in the past it was probably more important than today.

Most women have far more earning power today than 25 or 50 years ago, so having a stash is somewhat less of a necessity when you have a current job while married. If you don’t, then your situation is different and this may be something you want to do. I have read about women having siblings or parents keep an account for them or having one set up in their maiden name and listed under another address. I believe in keeping my original accounts and not giving them up so I don’t feel the need for a secret stash. But it is something for every woman to consider.

And lastly if you really think you need a financial way out of marriage (so soon?) there are pre-nuptual and post-nuptual agreements that legally specify who came into the marriage with what assets and who gets what in the event of a divorce or seperation. It is an insurance policy more for the people who have a lot of money than people like us that are average but it is possible for anyone to get one.

After finding out that I could not work, plan a wedding and blog regularly about my wedding all at the same time I stopped updating the Chicago Wedding Blog a few months back. I did get married this past weekend and am ready to pass on the wisdom and things I learned from planning my wedding in Chicago to you so yours turns out even better than mine did. Some areas we ran into problems were timing-scheduling, photographer expectations, hairdresser expectations, time management and dress snafus. Here are some helpful hints to planning the details of your wedding in Chicago below:

The gallery of home grown photos may look better than the expensive ones we paid for since we were overly posed and could not hold perfect expressions for 10 minutes.

1. Plan out the photographer’s shots in detail, give very specific instructions about what you want in the time allotted. I had a big issue with my photographer from Modern Images Wedding Photography (which cost $2,300) even though she was very nice and took some very good pictures. Sometimes leaving things vague can bite you in the arse. I trusted her judgement and she took too long getting shots set up, the cameras set up and actually take the shots. She took about 15 minutes to do one flipping picture. If I could do things over again I would ask the photographers I was interviewing if they could set up a group shot in 10 min or less and if they could do couple shots in 5 min or less specifically, then look at quality. We had too many pictures posed frozen for 5 minutes where our smiles had fallen and our expressions were awkward. If you can’t set up the camera before the people or can’t catch natural expressions on the fly, you aren’t the right photographer, regardless of your portfolio.

She took about 30 variations of each set photo but what we really needed was one good one and to move on quickly because the beehive guy got me out of Mario Tricoci an hour and a half late. It was very frustrating because I did not have a shot list to give her and say, skip these, just do these in the time crunch and she kept reassuring me that we did have time to do all the shots she wanted and it would work out. The result may have been some good shots but it also meant that we had the entire bridal party and parents standing around for hours and we got back to the reception an hour late. This meant that guests were complaining about wanting dinner since they had been drinking during cocktail hour and needed food fast.

I was not allowed to wear my watch during the day (by everyone, because they said it looked bad, but that was a huge mistake) so I had o idea what time it was at any point to keep people on schedule. When you run late it always gets blamed on the bride, people always assume its the bride who wants a million pictures of herself and is taking too long. I really wanted to quit the pix of us and focus on the group shots only and then get to the reception by our deadline. That didn’t happen. Be sure your photographer doesn’t think they have the control of everything and determine this for you too. They are there to work for you and should follow your specific directions because if they run late you get blamed by the guests complaining about things being delayed.

2. Plan your day with extra time included between events-appointments or stages of your day for the oops moments and the extra time vendors take when they are behind schedule. Juan started a 1/2 hr late, the makeup person also started another 1/2 hour late. I left an hour and a half late from the makeup people. This would have been rant worthy in public except I planned in an extra hour between the 2. It still screwed the pictures, but that was more because of how long things took there than starting late because I could have been ready to start the group pictures at 1 pm like planned if she had not asked me to take the dress off and take pictures of it by itself with all the details. Sometimes no matter how much you like certain details, you have to be willing to cut them out to make the schedule work. All the vendors have the responsibility to keep track of the time and check in and ask what you want to do when you are not on schedule. If you say skip it, that means skip it and move on. Otherwise triple the amount of time you think you need for photos or do them the day after with 4-5 hours of time allotted and your own makeup & hair.

My dress was from Angelique and I laced the corset too tight and my cleavage showed too much. Luckilly its hidden behind the cake here and distracted by my beehive hair.

3. If you wear a corseted wedding dress and are heavy busted, don’t sit down very much if at all. If you do, go re-lace or re-position the wedding dress immediately after sitting for dinner and then stand for the rest of the night. I did not know this would happen. Basically when I would sit down my wedding dress would bend at the waist and slip down, I would pull it up and and my boobs would go up with it and look inappropriately visible, although not quite falling out. I had it laced too tight and I could not even shove them back into the dress without getting out and back in again. This also depends on how much cleavage you want to show and how high the front and back of the dress are compared with your torso length. I should have gotten a dress with a higher back to support the front of the dress, which was carrying all the boob weight. I didn’t think it dipped much in the back of mywedding dress, but one that is the same height in front and back would have been better. Or straps/sleeves to hold it up would have helped. I will be tossing a lot of pictures based on too much boobage showing.

4. Bring extra shoes. For everyone. We had 3 pairs of shoes break out of 10 people. (2 heels broke off and one entire sole same off) Dress shoes are not meant to walk very far or for very long. (plus shoes are made cheaper than ever these days many times just lightly glued together) Bring a nice looking but comfortable pair of shoes to wear when in route to the photo locations and before the ceremony that can serve as a backup pair if your shoes break. Men also should have a set of extra laces for their shoes in case someone breaks one.

5. Be explicit with your hair and makeup people before they begin, because un-doing things will make you late. I got a ball of fake blonde hair put into a bee-hive french twist in the back of my head at Mario Tricoci in Naperville when I never asked for that. (gee thanks Juan) Not only did it make me late I was fuming internally because I didn’t want to look like an alien with this potruding big hairdo. Get your hairdresser to agree to it looking exactly like a picture before hand and mention things like no fake hair added, no extensions, no teasing or no ringlet curls if you don’t want/like those things. 

Likewise for makeup. I liked mine ok but some people don’t want a heavy makeup look and need to approve every color as it goes on to make sure it is ok so you don’t have to take it all off and start over again. Going in about 2 months before for a trial test run with hair and makeup is a good idea too, although it did not help me in this situation, he just decided this anyway without my consent. The pix look ok, but I really would have rather not have had that beehive and now I am stuck with it in my wedding pictures forever and out the $140 it cost.

The head table at my wedding reception at Cantigny, they set up everything beautifully with very little direction from me.

6. Be flexible. Besides the hair stuff (because I am pretty particular about how I look and don’t like beehive hairdos), I was determined to be flexible and improvise most of the wedding. I gave most vendors (the DJ, the Catering people at Cantigny, The florist, the alterations lady, the dress shop some leeway in how they did things. I trusted their judgement. They all had info sheets to fill out for them to use and then beyond what specifics they asked, and I answered I let them have creative license. I ended up with flowers aranged slightly different from the pictures I showed but they were the right kinds and colors so I was ok with it. Tulipia did a great job. The DJ (Chad V) did his thing after I just gave him 4 CDs of music and told him that we were very low key. The catering people set up the room per their regular arangement and I trusted that they would serve people in a timely manner and set up things in a pretty way. They did that very well.

7. Wear your wrist watch regardless of what people say it looks like. Get a dainty bracelet watch if you have to match it to the outfit. It is important since you are the one being blamed by the parents-vendors-guests if things don’t run on time.

Note: none of the pictures used in this post were from Modern Images Photography. These were from my friend Andre and his camera.

We have come to that point where everyone does while planning their wedding in Chicago [and elsewhere too] when you realize that what you originally forecast-ed for your budget was horribly wrong. The original goal we had for planning the wedding was to have a comfortable yet elegant wedding for less than $15,000. I thought that taking $10,000 off the $25,000 national average for the cost of a wedding would be challenging but possible. We aren’t fancy people, we don’t require a fairy tale wedding or something from a dream-book.

I was wrong. About the money part. We aren’t having anything close to a dream wedding and our projections have it the big 25K mark. This includes everything from the sample invitations to the cost of the all inclusive package at the reception place. The startling thing is that we got decent deals on a lot of things. We turned down a lot of reception halls because they had minimums too high that we could not meet. I bought a sample dress on clearance that actually fits and may not need many alterations. We got the engagement ring from Steve’s family and they were happy to pass on an important heirloom. We are borrowing my dads car for wedding transportation because it’s a really fancy Buick and it’s white.  [and free] Yet we are still looking at 25K in the total column.

Where were the surprise costs? Well a couple of areas. First off, all the wedding vendors quote costs for things assuming you are going to spend $50,000 not $25,000. So, all the average prices you read about in magazines are less than the smallest cheapest packages most places have quoted. This especially is the case in Chicago.

The other thing that we found out was that all this running around to view halls and meet vendors takes a lot of time. Seriously. If you work full time like we both do and have the holidys to contend with and a full social calendar, you don’t have time to go meet with or screen more than a couple vendors in each category. With our Saturdays before the wedding limited now [only 12 left] we have to cut our losses and make some decisions to get things done.

Between a lack of time to meet every vendor to do tireless research and then realizing that we did want to have an event that looks nice and does make the family proud we ended compromising on price. A lot of compromise there sometimes. The things that we ended up spending more on than anticipated were:

1.The flowers, the standard places had no ideas whatsoever when we met with them and it ended up being 4x what my friends paid 7 years ago when we did find someone who can do spectacular flowers.

2. The reception dinner. Guests really want good food and enjoy that the most so we opted for a higher priced meal than we originally thought, plus the prices went up between when we reserved the room and when we will have the wedding.

3. The rehearsal dinner and Sunday brunch. Who knew this got to be such a big group of people and would cost $1,500 for each event. 

4. Photographers and Videographers used to be around $1,000 each when all my friends got married. Not anymore. The photos cost $2,300 for a basic package and we turned away a lot over $3,000 and $4,000. Videography [which I think is actually more difficult to do] costs between $1,500 and $2,500 if you want an edited DVD to show people highlights who weren’t able to make it. Nobody watches the whole thing all the way through over and over again. Its the editing you really need, so you’re stuck paying more for it.

So, we’re pretty happy with things so far in the finding stuff we really likecategory but we have compromised a lot on price and time to get there. I really thought I could do this on a smaller budget but dealing with Chicago prices and needing to stay with high quality stuff, we ended up with a 50K wedding for 25K rather than a 25K wedding for 15K. Its a trade-off but since we have savings to cover it, we are going to run with it and hope we don’t have any more unexpected big budget expenses in the last 12 weeks.

Something about labeling books so you know who's is who's and who gets the wagon wheel table in a divorce. Billy Crystal looks confused. So am I.

So, this post isn’t really about wedding planning in Chicago, but it is an important question in regards to the relationship you are permanently entering with marriage. I am asking this question about when it’s ok to move in together even if it’s before the wedding because I am in the process of moving in with my Fiance’ now.

I own a condo and have been perfectly self sufficient and happy there for the last 7 years but I realized last week that I would rather move all my stuff into his town-home than move myself and cat back into my place and be without him. I spent a week here recuperating from getting my wisdom teeth removed. And in a twist of fate I gained the knowledge that we are much happier together than apart.

So, I went home, picked up more clothes, toiletries and cat food and came back for another week. We moved a few more boxes of my stuff here this weekend and plan on slowly moving things over as time allows. My vintage 1 br condo has been for sale since Thanksgiving in November and it shows no sign of being sold any time soon in this crap real estate market. So, we’re not saving any money doing this, (still paying 2 mortgages) just saving time driving back and forth (sometimes up to an hour each way) and saving either of the cats from the trauma of being left alone for 48 hours over the weekends.

It startled me a bit when I realized we were happier together and wanted to stay, because I always believed those sayings about living together before marriage is a good way to end up in divorce. I was also told many times that if you give in and just live with them a man will never marry you. Are these just old wives tales?

I think there is some truth to the men will never settle down if you let them have it all up front, but Steve really isn’t that type. Plus we’re only 4 months away from the wedding anyway so it’s not like we aren’t going through with it. I also think we get a bonus in time to get adjusted living together. And as happy as it makes us to come home to someone besides a feline, it is still a lot of work.

Our schedules are as different as our stuff. We’re both giving up as much as we are getting here. I have a much longer commute to the city to work every day and he is tasked with dropping me off and picking me up from the train since there is a 7 year waiting list for a parking spot at the Metra train station in Naperville.

Steve sorting through 12 years of man-stuff so we can build an office for 2

He watches copious amounts of TV when he gets home in the evening and doesn’t buy vegetables. I am not used to his 1983 kitchen since I got mine pretty much built to order and organized just how I like it. His mattress has a cave in the center and my makeup clutters up his bathroom now. I like to sing along with Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova CDs although I really can’t sing. Our cats seemed to get along until mine decided it was a sport to chase his and corner them while hissing. So, it’s not as idyllic as you think it’s going to be. Plus there is the inevitable duplicates of everything…silverware, plates, wine glasses, sofas, TVs, beds…and nowhere to put any of it. If this all sounds a bit comical, it is. None of it has created any fights or real tension, just looks of cluelessness every time we come across something new we weren’t expecting.

I also have to remember not to take it personally when he works late (like tonight) and needs a few hours in front of the TV watching SWAT shows instead of being able to discuss wedding planning stuff. He has to remember not to take it personally when I put plastic in the dish washer and use a washcloth only once before tossing it in the hamper.

Overall though, I am happy that we get to work these quirks/lifestyles/things out now before we’re married so when something temporarilly goes wrong you don’t feel trapped and panic wondering what you’re doing living there. On the other hand, if we weren’t engaged and close to being married I probably wouldn’t trust him so much to move in. It has been an eye opening process to go through.

I spent some time collecting some more things this evening at my place and looking around and appreciating it. Sometime within the next year (?) I won’t own it anymore. That single city girl phase of my life will be officially over and all the things I did there will be distant memories. I looked around at everything thinking it was already too late to take pictures, because a lot of my stuff has been moved out, the moment has already passed and I didn’t even capture it. I hope I can remember the details of the place that I picked out and really did like living in for that time.

I am sure Steve and I will be happy together but I will always remember that one time in my life that I was truly self sufficient, owned my own condo, had all my time as my own and had total peace and quiet whenever I wanted it. (except when my neighbors decided otherwise) Somehow the prospect of life with a husband and kids seems like it will be far more crazy, loud and hectic in the years to come.

We spent our Saturday starting our wedding/bridal registry at Macy’s last weekend. We knew it would take a while to work through all the possible combinations of silverware and glassware (crystal) with the china I have passed down from my family but we did not know it would take about 6 hours. Yikes!

The bridal registry process at Macy’s is a bit different than it was at Crate and Barrel. Both give you hand held scanners to input items on your registry but Macy’s has a data entry process first. You work with a “Bridal Registry Consultant” to enter all your names, addresses, wedding dates and mother’s info. Yes, they call your mom and your fiance’s mom when things are on sale to let them know in case they were planning on buying anything and want to get a good discount. This is nice, but at the same time you know it ends up with more sales too.

They also want you to open up a Macy’s credit card to get 5% back on all the purchases that people make from your registry. This isn’t something we did, but if you have 300 people coming to your wedding it could bring you a big Macy’s gift certificate bonus.

The hardest part about finding things for your wedding gift registry at Macy’s is considering all the choices. We went to the State Street Store in Chicago because they had more china, glassware and bedding selection but many of these brands and items are specific to that store. So, some items aren’t listed online and if someone wants to purchase them from the registry they have to call the State Street store directly. I am not sure that is going to go over very well with relatives, but it is what seems to be the case with how Macy’s works.

If you do decide to register at Macy’s for your wedding here are some tips:

1. Look at items online at Macys.com before you get to the store. Get an idea of what colors and styles you are interested in for china, crystal, flatware, silver, bedding, sheets and household appliances. (because there are hundreds to choose from, and many are almost exactly the same) Also, look very carefully at the costs. Prices are sometimes hard to find on items in the store, and they would love you to register for the most expensive items possible. This way when you get there you may already have a few finalists/favorite patterns in china and crystal within your budget that you can look at with your fiance and save a ton of time.

2. Ignore the list of items they give you to check off and register for. That would only be appropriate for someone who had nothing in their kitchen now and wanted every possible item regardless of whether they needed it or not. We’re in a recession so everybody is spending less and we can’t expect relatives and friends to pay $80+ for a crystal goblet or $500 for a silver flatware place setting.

Most of the items have a range and I tried to stay with nice quality on the lower end of price. The wine & water goblet stemware I chose were Lenox and on sale they were $20 each. Unfortunately, we don’t know what the price was off sale. The flatware we chose to go with the china was from Oneida and it was $64 on sale from $87 per place setting. In towels we avoided the hotel collections because they were so expensive and didn’t have a large range of colors. (mostly just white, grey, beige & brown) We registered for Charter Club towels and bath rugs in aqua and a chocolate brown. They can work together or in separate bathrooms and work with some of our existing white/cream colored towels.

3. Really do a good inventory of both your place and your fiance’s place before starting the registry process. We found that since I have lived on my own for 7 years and he has for 12 that we had most everything we needed in the kitchen and didn’t need to register for daily use plates, glasses or silverware (we actually have duplicates). We also found that with the exception of a kitchen aid (or sunbeam) mix master, we also had all the kitchen small appliances that we could possibly ever use. Asking friends what they liked and used from their registry is also helpful.

Keeping your list down helps relatives and family get you what you really need and not spend money on things you won’t use for a long time. Making a list when you do that inventory or find a recipe that requires a utensil/equipment that you don’t have is also helpful because running around a 12 story department store with a scanner can get out of hand quickly.

Also, a personal note: I think the Martha Stewart Items at Macy’s are really low quality and I don’t recommend registering for them because they are cheap copies of big name designers and will fall apart in a year or two of use. Save yourself the headaches and get the better brands and originals that will last a lifetime. (Martha Stewart’s cookware, pots, bed linens and towels are all very low quality at high prices, such a scam)

4. If you have a wedding web site link your bridal registry page from there so it is easy to find and make sure to explain that you have a lot of things already and these lists are specifically things you don’t already own.

Ignore the checklists unless you don't already have these items. We're in a recession and some people can be offended if you pick the most stuff at high prices right now.

5. Macys.com like Crate & Barrel, has an online log-in for your bridal gift registry so that you can search, view and add things to the list that way too. We forgot to add a mattress pad to the list and a clothing steamer (faster than ironing!) so I just added those online today.

6. Don’t be offended if someone calls you and says that they found your pattern at a Lenox or Mikasa China outlet store, sometimes people can find your pattern at a great price and afford to get you more of a gift that way. if they do, remove it from the registry or mark it as already bought so other people won’t give duplicates.

I was reading in the Knot Chicago Bridal Magazine about things that people registered for and never used and I found the list interesting. The things real brides said they never ended up using and wouldn’t recommend registering for were: Giant Wok; Hard to store and still wasn’t their cooking style, Fondue Pot; Used once, never again; Ice Cream Maker; who really uses these when you can buy so much ice cream at the Jewel?, and fancy Egyptian cotton sheets; they were so expensive that it was too scary to use them. I think registering for reasonably priced items that you will really use every day is far smarter.

What tips do you have about your bridal registry experience at Macy’s?

The time has come for my fiance and I to start our wedding (bridal) gift registry. (our wedding is only 4.5 months away now) We are in our mid 30’s and both own our own places to live so creating our wedding registry is a lot more complicated than it would be for 2 people who lived at home with their parents and didn’t own anything yet. It is also a significant part of the process of building our lives together since the wedding gift registry may be the first time you have a reason to talk about things like furniture, housewares and style together. It also sets the tone for future purchases since price is always debatable and this is the first foray into that area too.  

The wedding gift registry used to be more of a Bridal Gift Registry as women were the ones who would be using all these household appliances and cooking utensils in the home. Girls would go pick out what they liked and the men really didn’t give a hoot about what anything looked like style-wise in the home unless they were paying for it. We went to a Crate & Barrel Registry event last Sunday morning in Oak Brook and plan on visiting Macy’s Wedding Gift Registry department on State Street downtown again on Saturday.

Times sure have changed and men are fully integrated into this wedding gift registry process now. Steve and I have both gone to Macy’s and Crate & Barrel where registered and he might is more interested in the kitchen items than I am, since he is a better cook and knows that good quality kitchen tools will lead to better cooking and better food! Many of the men at Crate & Barrel with their fiance’s were very interested in all the kitchen gadgets and choosing everything. Steve was not the only one!

The items he was specifically interested in adding to the gift registry were beer glasses, brandy glasses, a magnetic grill light, wusthof knives, pizza making accessories, giant carving cutting boards and bodum no-sweat glasses.  I was more interested in the things I never bought because I never really had a reason to do large quantity family party cooking before. Things like a dutch oven, a turkey roaster, a coffee carafe, kitchen aid mix master, covered casserole dish, a meat thermometer, china storage cases and textiles like tablecloths and napkins. I decided no vases or candles since I have already indulged in many of those and have plenty.

We were both baffled by choosing the silverware and crystal glassware. (update: it’s finally chosen, see next post) There are millions of designs and patterns and it’s near impossible to see what is supposed to go with the vintage Noritake china I have. I feel like many glassware patterns remind me of specific decades and I don’t want to be stuck in any of them. (hello 90’s cut crystal petal facets at the bottom of the glass) I really want all the things we register for and buy to look timeless. I don’t want to feel like that was so 2009 when I look at it in 2030. (and the few etched leaf pattern glasses I have from the china I inherited are in a style that is no longer produced)

Silver plate flatware is ridiculously expensive ($500 for a 5 piece place setting!!) so I won’t be able to get something like my mom has. Regular stainless flatware is hard to choose also because most patterns look like every day silverware and not fancy enough to go with China and others are overly elaborate/scrolled/gaudy. There is little to choose from in between. I am leaning toward simple stainless silverware with a beaded edge but I won’t be completely sure until we take one of our china plates over to Macy’s to look at things next to it.

The last few items we still need to figure out about the registry are bedding, towels and if we should register for any pots/pans (since we both have sets, his is old oneida non-stick kohl’s brand mine is cheap IKEA 360) and if we should add any small furniture things? (we need a nightstand since he only has 1 we found an old nightstand to use temporarily from his bedroom set he had as a kid, but we still need a lamp for it) We figure Macy’s is a good place for these things. We also figure beige/gold will be the color for the bedding since all 3 of our cats are near that color and it will show less cat hair. (just being practical)

Picking towels are more of an issue since we live in different places now and have a goal of buying a house within a few years. We don’t have any idea of what colors that imaginary house may have in it’s bathroom, so picking colors there will be tough. I like all shades of blues and greens mixed together in a gradient range of colors in a white bathroom. Steve likes dark colors in beige earthy bathrooms. So we may have no idea how to consolidate that. At least the Macy’s sales person was honest that nobody registers for Martha Stewart’s line since it’s cheap crap that falls apart. They recommended Charter Club or Lauren towels and bedding. I believe them, Martha’s line feels like paper and I’d like things to last a long time. (we went with aqua and brown, the best of both worlds)

All this discussion of “stuff” has prompted a theory about what a wedding and gift  registry is for and what the expectations are from it. I really think the registry is for things you don’t already have or could not really afford on your own. Not the little nickel and dime stuff you can get at Target for $5 - $20. That isn’t a problem for us to afford, it’s the big stuff that worries us when it comes to $, so that is where the help is most needed and appreciated.  Plus we both come to the table with a whole house of stuff, so if it’s not on the registry we may not need it because we already have it. (examples: daily glassware, silverware, & plates as well as many kitchen necessities, bakeware, vases, candles, cookbooks (we have gotten like 10 recently) a blender, 2 toasters, a toaster oven, many pots and pans, a griddle, a George foreman grill, a full size grill, 2 dvd players, electric can opener, computer related stuff and a whole bunch of other stuff) 

Aside from the type of things people register for, some people assume they will get a certain amount of $ in gifts from every person depending on how much they spend on the reception per person. These two amounts are totally unrelated. If we spend $100 per person on the reception (very common price) we know we won’t get $100 in gifts back from each person. People buy what they want and what they can afford. It is just not a science and certainly it’s rude to speculate and ask for things like that. And I don’t want my wedding to be about the numbers like that anyway. It’s just supposed to be a party and I hope people have a good time, that’s it.

A lot of the girls I have talked to have all had strategies to get the most out of your registry, and that could be a post in and of itself. I don’t have any strategy to get people to buy more or buy specific things or trade in gifts for cash returns or anything. (Crate & Barrel gives cash rather than store credits for returned registry gifts, some people register for $50 items, return them all and then buy a sofa with the cash. I can’t bring myself to do that) 

I have a range of stuff out there on the gift registry list and if anyone buys anything for us it is extremely generous of them and well appreciated. I can’t get upset when we get 50% random gifts that we didn’t register for nor can we use or return. (all my friends have had this happen) People will always do this and have already started with the engagement gifts this way (magic bullet blender anyone? it works great, but how often do you blend things?)  Other odd gifts that I have seen at other showers have been cross-stitched kleenex box covers and old Christmas ornaments. Not really practical?

I really like vintage aqua pyrex and jadeite glassware things but since I can’t really register for those things and they’re pretty specific I won’t mention them at all. It’s best that I leave that to my own Kane County fairgrounds flea market shopping anyway. (sometimes I don’t even know what I am looking for with vintage) Luckily we chose mostly simple styles that all blend together. Steve keeps asking if everything has to match? I don’t think he realizes that isn’t possible even if you buy it all from the same store. I run an eclectic household and hopefully he is ok with that. (seems like he is, no complaints yet)

So, I am going into this wedding registry process with a grain of salt and I am picking out things we will probably buy for our new house even if people don’t buy them for us as gifts. It’s stuff that is practical and sensible and will get used a lot over the years. (no specialty gadgets like panini presses, cappuccino machines or waffle makers, they just take up space and don’t get used much) And we get 10% off the remaining items at Macy’s and Crate & Barrel after the wedding to help with that too. 

So, my advice if you have a wedding to attend is to see what you can find on the registry or get a gift certificate for that store. (hey, that’s really easy too!) I am pretty sure the bride and groom will thank you profusely.

Do you have any registry advice or stories to share?

Holy Name Cathedral in Chicago is a pretty famous church to get married in, I didn't have those kind of connections.

It is not surprise that I grew up a Polish Catholic in Chicago. A large percentage of people here have that exact same demographic. I dreamed of getting married in a beautiful church like St. Mary of Częstochowa in Cicero where my dad’s family is from.

Our family went to Our Lady of Peace Catholic Church in Darien though. Very modern and minimalist. I got used to it over the years and when I got engaged last fall I was actually excited at the thought of getting married there since I grew up going to church there.

Along the way though, I seem to have become more of an atheist than I thought. Something about the lack of plausibility in everything about what was said all those years has made me respect the Catholic church but not really believe in it anymore. (surprisingly, my family has felt the same way despite all their Catholic upbringing and schooling too) My fiance is more agnostic and he believes in God although not restrictive, war inducing organized religions. None of this was a problem until we went to the “theology seminar” on Tuesday. (the first of 6 “classes” as a part of their required marriage prep program.

It really wasn’t a history/bible lesson about marriage in the sense of here are some road maps we think work well to follow. It was a degrading rant session by a Theology professor from Montini High School who proceeded to call us “fools” for breaking any of the “rules” of the catholic church. Why do they not understand that you will always attract more people with honey than ridicule?

What made this even more odd was that amidst telling us we would suffer eternal damnation for going things like taking birth control pills and using condoms he kept saying the word “like” in-between most words. So, he basically sounded like a 13 year old.  (If you aren’t like going to confession weekly you’re like an idiot)

Truth be told, I don’t know if there is a “god” or not, (but there certainly is no afterlife) but I can’t prove it one way or another and I always thought I wanted to get married in a church. It makes me wonder why now? I accept that I was raised in a Judeo-Christian-Freemarket-Capitalist society and this has framed my views of what is good and bad, right and wrong and what feels like a meaningful wedding.

I feel like going to a judge or rent-a-reverend for my wedding in Chicago is meaningless and fake but I don’t want to be full-on Catholic either. It just feels wrong to be that mean. It feels incredibly discriminatory toward other people with different backgrounds (they said the other religions were the work of the devil) and it seems against freedom of everything American really. And it feels like they disrespect nature and science while at the same time disrespecting the intelligence of the college educated people there.  There must be a way to have a more meaningful ceremony without being overbearing and discriminatory.

I also felt like the advice they gave in this “theology class” for making your marriage work amounted to: Read the bible and Pray together. WTF? That’s it? We are supposed to find the answers to our feelings and relationship from a 2,000 year old book translated from Latin and changed around multiple times to fit their marketing needs? That was rude and useless. I guess what I really liked about the Catholic church was the tradition, the singing, the community. People coming together to try and remember what is really important in our busy lives and get back to our morals.  Plus my family had a history there since before they came to America around 1900. Not the “everyone who doesn’t follow us this exact way is evil or going to hell” stuff. The demeaning judgemental nature is not what America is about. 

Basically all this means that I have to find somewhere else to get married. We are looking into some other churches and my Fiance’s family church. They are Presbyterian. I am ok with what their program sounds like. It says it is a 4 week course taught by a psychologist (not a deacon or priest) about how to communicate effectively and stay together amongst all the challenges you face. It sounds like real practical advice to me.

Please do not bother to comment if you are going to rant about how I am going to burn in hell for having my views. There is no point in criticising other people for their own personal decisions. I don’t pick on Catholics, I just choose to live my own life. Remember that is allowed in a Democracy.

Update: We have decided to get married at First Presbyterian Church in Wheaton instead. They have our date reserved, so things seem to be in the works there and hopefully will be better.

Update 2: The deacon called yesterday asking why we weren’t at the latest meeting session and wasn’t best pleased when I told him we wouldn’t be having our wedding there. What gets me is that as a last knife twist he decided to tell me that our FOCUS test (scantron) scores weren’t very good and it would have taken a lot of meetings with them in order to get married anyway. He had the gaul to say we didn’t know eachother as well as we thought we did. Hah! More undermining our confidence in our decisions in the catholic guilt way. I know what we answered may have been different, we discussed all the questions right after we took the test and found that the way they were worded was very confusing, and we had interpreted them to mean different things. When we discussed it we found we were ok on most things but obviously differ in reading comprehension skills.

This is the veil I ordered for my wedding from David's Bridal, I am very happy with it.

Choosing my wedding veil and how to wear my hair on my wedding day shouldn’t have been that difficult but it was. I wanted a simple short veil and a simple up-do hair style with a flowered hair clip on the side since I saw it in a Chicago Bride magazine and it looked simple and elegant. The veil I wanted was a two tier somewhat full veil in white on a comb. The hair clips and combs I saw that I liked had small rhinestones decorating floral patterns that went in the hair next to the bun or twist of hair. I also like the white flowers and feathers on clips, but I thought it might not match my dress as well as the rhinestones did. They always say that a bride should have something in her hair to look like a bride. Plus it is your day to shine so if you want a big sparkly tiara you can wear that and be a princess for the day. 

What I did not know was that buying a wedding veil either costs a lot of money or takes a lot of time. I started looking at veils when I was trying on wedding gowns at the bridal stores in Chicagoland but I wasn’t really taking them seriously. The sales ladies love to put long cathedral length veils on you with the dresses because they are more dramatic and cost a lot more money than the short elbow and fingertip length veils. I knew that a cathedral length veil with embriodery or lace could cost $500 or more, way beyond my budget.

Many traditional style wedding dresses look amazing with a long cathedral length veil with a lace edge or embroidery and beading on them. If you can afford to spend more money on your veil it will look amazing and beautiful, but I just couldn’t afford that. The other problem is that having lace or beading on the edge of a cathedral length veil can be tricky because the beads and lace tend to catch on the carpet and could pull the veil right off your head. I have seen it happen. Test out the cathedral length long veil you want while walking before you order it.

I started by going to haircomesthebride.com because it was recommended in a Chicagoland Bride Magazine I had. They had a cute hair comb in the magazine so I went online and thought the decorative flowered comb and veil seemed reasonable and ordered them. The veil was supposed to be just past shoulder length and the comb was rhinestones and white flowers. Well I found out the hard way that this site doesn’t take returns and I got stuck with a $55 veil that was way too short and did not really cover my face (maybe that is why it is the site “special”) and a $95 comb with flowers that stretched way further over my head than looked appropriate.

This retro vintage style Birdcage Veil is also really popular right now although you can't really flip it back in the ceremony and you pretty much have to take it off for the reception. It's just good for pictures only.

HairComesTheBride.com agreed to take the rhinestone hair clip back but not the veil (lying that the veils are all custom made and can’t be resold) and I would have had to pay for shipping. I looked back at their site and thought maybe I missed the measurements or something, and yet there were none. I would have never been able to figure out that these were the wrong size for me because the pictures are misleading and there are no measurements and of course you can’t try things on over the internet. So, that was $166 down the drain. I may list these items on ebay because they have never been worn and then at least I will get some of the money back.

Next I got an email from David’s Bridal (yes the same ones that have been spamming me and calling all the time) with a clearance sale for wedding and bridal accessories. Hmmm….They said you could not order online when they last called to try and make me book another appointment.

I found a scalloped edge veil on sale for $50. It was a longer fingertip-elbow length veil rather than a shoulder length veil and there were a few small flowers embroidered at the scallop points. I just got this in the mail last week and my mom was ecstatic when she saw it, so this one is a keeper. (although it needs a light ironing after being in a shipping box) I liked it too because it was long enough for the top tier layer of the veil to be flipped forward for the church ceremony. The veil was $145 originally but getting it on sale at $50 was even better.

This is an example of a plain long cathedral length veil. And a very fluffy dress.

Come to think of it, I may keep the comb I ordered and see if there is any way to bend or modify the flower prongs to make it smaller so it doesn’t take over my entire head. Or maybe I will find something smaller. I was in Fox Valley Mall the other day and there were smaller versions of all the same bridal rhinestone and flowered hair combs and clips that haircomesthebride.com had, on one of those center of the mall cart kiosks with some very nice Asian ladies selling them. They were $30-$50. I think I may go back and get a smaller one too and which ever one I don’t use may go on Ebay later. It is interesting what you find in places you never expect.

There are also some local options for ordering Veils in Chicago. Priscilla of Boston and David’s Bridal can order veils and sometimes they have veils in stock you can buy right there. House of Brides is all kinds of disaster so just avoid them. There was a place in Fox Valley Mall called Total Wedding that had some veils to try on in the back of the store too (and dresses between $500 and $1300) but they would have to be ordered.

Many people also look into making their own veils since there is so little sewing involved. My friend Amy made her own long veil with the veil chiffaun type netting from a fabric store. She just cut it to length, sewed it in gathered pleats to the veil comb and edged the ends with ribbon and ironed it. It saved here about the same amount of money as I did on the clearance veil. Making your own veil is always an option too if you have a wedding where you want your colors other than white included on the veil. Embellishing a plain store bought veil yourself with colored beads is always an option too if you enjoy sewing. A simple 5 bead circle with a bead in the middle looks like a flower and can be sewn pretty easily.

Whatever veil you choose, look around at a variety of places before you buy and always try it on or check the return policy before ordering.

Some choices from the MW Tux Site

The process for finding a Tuxedo was supposed to be one of the easiest parts of planning the wedding. Just go to the MW Tux website, pick one and go to the store and reserve it right? Well not so fast. MW Tux is part of Men’s Warehouse and also associated with David’s Bridal in a lead sharing kind of way. Before we had even gotten to the point where we thought about looking for Tuxedos in Chicago, the David’s Bridal / MW Tux people had called 4 times. That is 4 times too many.

So, we were hopeful that we would be able to go visit a MW Tux store at Fox Valley Mall or the on in the full size Men’s Warehouse store outside the malllast weekend while the best man was in town from France nd get this all over with already. We weren’t so lucky.

First off it has been a long time since Steve or I had a reason to look at Tuxedos in Chicago. Neither of us work for companies that have black tie events and socially we are more of the BBQ set than the jet set. What happened to Gingiss FormalWear? And all the other places that were around when I was in High School? I am not sure when Men’s Warehouse took over the market but they have completely squashed their competitors. This is evident when looking at the MW Tux website compared with say the Savvi Formal Wear site.

Nobody even comes close to having the build your own tux functions or the colors and combinations MW Warehouse has. The Savvi Formal-wear site is a bit clunky and only has the manufacturer pictures on the site. Most of the Tuxes there are the weird odd versions not the classic modern ones we wanted and what most people rent. Fail.

Then we get to the store and the Savvi Formalwear HS kid employee pretty much attacks us to register for “only $20″. Why would we pay them money to fill out a note card that says “sales lead” on it? You have got to be kidding me. That, the mannequins falling over and the FUBU designs tuxes made sure we left without divulging any personal information. I am sure we would get about 50 calls from them if we had made that mistake.

What was annoying was that Steve and Brian didn’t seem to notice that this was a huge sales pitch for bad stuff and that they should run out of there. There were no samples of the Tuxes to try on and we couldn’t make any decisions about what looked good on them there.

Next we went to the MW Tux store location in the Fox Valley Mall. They also had no samples to try on in the store. Why is this such an issue? Don’t Tuxedo companies know that there are about 500 styles and you can’t choose one unless you actually try it on? Who wants to be at their wedding day in a Tux they don’t actually look good in?

Yes, there are a lot of weird Tuxes that can easily be chosen by accident without looking closely at the details. (long jackets, diamond shaped lapels, weird pinstripes, pleated pants, rounded lapels, peak lapels and slightly off colors like dark brown and navy blue are all in the mix, be careful what you choose) You want a 2 or 3 button Tuxedo with a notched lapel and a vest $regular tie (euro tie?). No pleats in the pants and no bow tie or cumber-bun. Those are way out of style now. All the vests come in different brocade and geometric woven patterns. The fabric is really nice and looks like the same kind you would get in a high quality tie. The range of colors are pretty much limitless.

An example of the Calvin Klein 2 button Tux with a solid black vest and euro tie. It looks like they had Ryan Seacrest model all their Tuxes.

So, we asked about 5 times before they let us try on some of the actual tuxes for sale. They weren’t the same designers as what was for rental, but at least we saw that Steve really needed a 2 button Tux rather than the 3 button styles I had been eyeing since my brother recommended that style. The sales girl was actually very helpful and suggested that we look at the super 100 summer weight fabric tuxes. If you any hint of a belly at all, a 2 button jacket style is the way to go, a 3 button jacket buckles above the belly if you have one and looks funny.

We were still disappointed though that we couldn’t also try on the entire ensemble because there was a bit of disagreement between the best man and the groom about the vest colors and ties. I suggested white, grey, silver or blacksince I have a white dress and the bridesmaids are wearing black. The flowers are purple, nobody wanted to go there. The MW Tux store had some mannequins dressed in Tuxes to look at with Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein, Jones New York, Tommy Hilfiger designs.

Steve was ambivalent about all the colors except he liked Gold, which wasn’t a choice in the first place, because it isn’t a color in the wedding. He also said he didn’t want a white Tux, which also wasn’t a choice. This was like me asking him which chinese food he wants to order from the menu and him saying ham. All the vests were on hangers displayed on the wall, I must have knocked down a dozen with my bulky coat trying to show the guys their choices for the wedding colors.

Brian said that he did not like the lighter colors because he was a “Winter” and could not wear them. (What????) So, he liked dark grey or black vests and ties. At least there was a preference. Steve still just wanted to try the whole thing on so he could say he still didn’t know which he liked better, so we got nothing decided and went to the main Men’s Warehouse located near by.

There we found they had even less than the Fox Valley Mall store. They had a bunch of color swatches on a ring for the vests and some tuxes for sale. Hmm, they said they don’t have anything to try on either. How does anyone ever try on a Tuxedo in Chicago before they rent one? Is it possible? Do you have to do a test rental of 5 at $150 a piece and take them home to try them on finally? This is a ridiculous cost cutting move by the companies that rent tuxes to not stock samples and it is screwing up our process big time.

So, in the end we placed no orders for any Tuxes and have not decided to rent anything. We have gone back to the MW Tux site and used the tux-builder but no decisions have been made. I still feel like there isn’t any reputable choice for Tuxedo rental in Chicago besides MW Tux. They have all the right styles and a fantastic website. Why can’t they just stock some jackets, vests and ties so guys like these without any formal-wear experience can choose what they want to wear on the day they get married. Wouldn’t that help them sell more?

Any store owner that thinks that men have a clue about what style looks good on them hasn’t had any experience with these guys and may be loosing a lot of sales this way. I don’t have any recommendation about how to fix this or make it better/easier for other brides, just keep asking to try on samples and maybe one day they will decide to stock them.

A trendy wedding in pink and brown, I bet this florist didn't cold call this bride.

I have had a lot of cold calls from telemarketers latley who seem to be getting my name and number from bridal stores trunk shows and wedding bridal expos. I understand that these companies may use my info to market to me but I did not expect them to sell my name in a database list to all the local companies who are looking for wedding and bridal related business. And I thought I was avoiding all the trouble by just avoiding the craptastic House of Brides…

Today it was a random Chicago florist, the other day it was David’s bridal demanding to know why I haven’t been back. I have not been answering my phone at work for obvious reasons and they have called 5 times! (Seriously, do isn’t it obvious? Duh, I found my dress, and stop asking me about my 2 bridesmaids that can’t use any of the revealing stuff you sell) The Florist from the bridal expo show started out saying that I won some drawing at David’s Bridal and then when I said I had a florist picked out already she just hung up. How rude. I used to think this wedding planning process was like working in a purchasing department in business but people are far less professional.

I also get random emails from vendors of a wedding and bridal expo and a trunk show that I registered for but ended up not being able to attend. They all start the emails as, “It was so good to meet you at the Bridal Expo!” and it is a complete lie. The thing is it isn’t just marketing, it is really bad marketing.

Watters and Watters gowns on dress racks at a wedding and bridal boutique.

And don’t let me get started on Macy’s. I went there once for an appointment trying on dresses and they have been harassing me ever since. What started out as a very nice appointment has turned into a reason to block phone calls. First off they won’t let you book appointments to try on dresses during “trunk shows” weekends because they only show the one wedding gown designer that the trunk show so if you work like me and can only come in on weekends, and want to see the dresses you tried on and liked last time and show your mom or soon to be mother in law you have to book an appointment a month or two in advance. Then they harass you by calling all the time for all the other trunk shows they have and get all pissed when I can’t make agree to appointments or end up make them after being pressured. I would have called to cancel if they were within a few months of me actually making them.

Seriously, you can’t win. If I could go back and do this over again, not only would I consider eloping to avoid this long procurement nightmare, I would not give any of these stores or bridal expos my real name or information until I actually wanted to purchase something. It is just too innapropriate to keep getting calls during the work day and getting emails from photographers, laser hair removal places and DJ’s that I have never met before nor do I like their products. It is an invasion of my privacy when it happens this frequently. (daily)

This is an adorable elegant lavender purple bouquet with orchids and succulents. This florist was using internet marketing correctly with nice pirctures on a web site rather than telemarketers and databases to hard sell.

I am doing more and more of my wedding planning online where I get to see items on my own time when without an appointment and a 1 hour drive and I just click and order what I want without being pestered.

I did buy my dress in person, but since it was a sample dress I didn’t have to deal with all the bullshit that you get from ordering and altering your dress a year in advance from a Chicago designer gown trunk show. My wedding dress proudly hangs in my parents house covered in plastic waiting for the big day. I also found that there are millions of web sites that sell very reasonably priced veils, headpieces, gloves, shoes and all kinds of wedding accessories.

David’s bridal doesn’t even let you buy accessories online through their site. If I can buy anything else in the world on Amazon.com and have it shipped to my house in days why can’t I do that with wedding accessories too? I have fell in love with the Wedding Paper Divas site and just orded my save the date cards today. More on that in my next post.

Sunflowers seem to be a big theme for summer weddings.

By far the hardest part of planning our wedding so far (after finding a reception hall) has been trying to find a theme or color combination for the wedding. There are a million options and for some reason we didn’t have any characteristics that were meaningful in colors or wedding themes. In fact we are in our mid-late thirties so getting married at this point is really less about themes and more about simply getting married and being happy.

I found the whole wedding planning process to be kind of odd when it’s centered around a theme. Some people we have heard bout go with themes from movies or TV shows they like (The Office, Star Wars) others go with a theme that is important to them (mostly the bride) like Vineyard weddings or Disney Magic Weddings.

What is even more complicated is how the seasons work into planning wedding colors and flowers. Red is apparently for winter, along with dark purple plum colors, browns and silver light blue combinations. White is an anytime color but awfully boring with a white

Red is more for winter but this combination with aqua is new

room, white dress, white tablecloths and white flowers. Pinks, yellows and pastels are spring wedding colorswhich is fairly predictable as long as it doesn’t end up looking like a baby shower or your family Easter dinner.

We also found that we were somewhat limited in wedding theme colors by what colors you can get in flowers, tablecloths and bridesmaids dresses. The flower part was the most difficult. You can get flowers in reds, oranges, yellows, greens, pinks, whites, cream, lavender, brown and some blue-ish purples. That may sound like a full color spectrum but it means that if you like teal or grey dresses you may have to pick a complimenting color for your wedding flowers rather than a coordinating matching color. (like yellow or white)

Plus we found that if you go to local mainstream florist chain stores you will be limited to the colors of flowers you can get and the styles of arrangements and bouquets they sell. We went to 2 Phillip’s Florists in Chicagoland (Naperville and Downers Grove) and while both designers were nice and tried to be helpful, there wasn’t anything really impressive there in their books. It was very basic and very plain designs that you have seen at another million weddings. If you want something standard chosen from a book and not really unique they can do that on a small budget. They quoted us $1,200 and $1,500 for all the flowers for the wedding. I thought that was a very affordable and reasonable price but I still was looking for something unique and I could not design it myself.

Purple Vanda Orchids

having any suggestions from the florists that seemed better, I turned to the internet to do more research.

I found a lot of small blogs and florist sitesthat had great pictures to look at when you are looking for colors and designs. A lot of people also put together inspiration boards to coordinate their planning thoughts. An inspiration board is just a collage online of the images you have right clicked and saved on your computer that you like. 

After surfing google images, flickr, blogs and the knot for about 2 weeks I found a few pictures I

liked. (there is a lot of fugly stuff out there too) We tried a third florist in River Forest, IL called Tulipia. Ashley was great in looking through the photos and telling us his honest professional opinion about the colors and what was available in July that we could work with. We ended up with lavender and violet/purple/plumof all colors. (with black callas and purple vanda orchids) I love it though.

Some plum and violet colors used in Weddings

It is different than what I have seen before and I think Tulipia floral designs has a modern edge to their designs that will make the arrangements fabulous. Plus I can’t go with the standard clear glass square or cylinder vases because they look cheap and just like everyone else’s. I am thinking that footed urns and bowls in black would be better because it will set off the lavender well. The white tablecloths and lavender table runners and napkins should also look ok with that. I will try and get something plum for the wedding favors and some plum ribbon to work into bows on the favors, bouquets and dresses. It seems to all be coming together finally. What a relief.

One of the millions of beautiful designer gowns out there to choose from.

After finding my wedding dress last weekend at Priscilla of Boston I was thinking of how clueless I was about this process when I started and what I would tell someone as advice if they asked about where and how to shop and buy a wedding dress in Chicago. I think there are some misunderstandings about wedding gown shopping in general and understanding them will help you avoid the pitfalls that can happen during this complicated process. So, here is my advice for how and where to shop for your wedding gown. Also, knowing the price ranges that they come in and how to explore the lower price options first helps you figure out if you really do need to pay that much for your wedding gown.

1. Start by looking online. It helps if you are thin (seriously) because if you aren’t as thin as the models you won’t really be able to tell anything meaningful about the dresses or how the will look on you from the photos. If you are like me ( a heavy busted size 12) you can look online but most of these wedding dresses won’t have any similarity to the way they look online when you try them on. They can litterally change shape on you. I just right clicked and saved the photos I liked on my desktop and printed the ones I wanted to show the sales people for ideas when I went in for appointments. It is just a start to familiarize yourself with the styles and trends in wedding gowns right now since they keep changing every year.

2. Start looking at the cheapest bridal shop places first and then work your way up to the most expensive ones for simplicity sake. Trust me when I say that expensive wedding dresses are just as frustrating as cheaper ones when they don’t fit. Save yourself the anxiety of worrying about how you will scrape together $5,000 for a dress that you can’t even see on yourself properly and just go see how you look in a wedding dress generally first at a cheaper store that sells off the rack. In fact I recommend starting at David’s Bridal or any other shop that actually has your size of the dress you want to try on in the store. Some stores just sell samples they have on hand, this is a great place to start.

A very pretty and expensive vera wang wedding gown from her 2008 collection.

3. If you are smaller than a size 8 or 10 you have it easy. A couple of clips in the back and all the dresses will fit you with a fairly accurate idea of what it will look like in your size. The hardest part may be figuring out what you feel is your strongest asset and finding a dress to show it off. Knowing this before you go to the appointment saves a lot of time trying on a lot of wedding gowns that aren’t what you want. Don’t pay so much attention to colors if the dress is order-able or customizable either.

4. Listen to the style advice that the dress sales lady gives you. Some are occasionally rude, but most of these ladies have worked with these dresses every day for a long time and see girls in every shape and height come into their store. They know what works and what doesn’t work on most body types and some even know how to cleverly hide features you don’t like and accentuate the ones you do like. I found that the dresses the bridal consultants suggested were often better than the ones I picked out on the internet. But you have to start somewhere.

5. Don’t let the Sales Lady (bridal consultant) make you feel guilty about leaving without buying anything and certainly don’t let them pressure you into buying today (closing the sale) if you are not ready. I know that the percentage chance that a girl will come back and buy after they leave the salon is like 2% so they have to pull out all the stops while they have you there. Expect a lot of questions as to why you didn’t decide yet, increases in discounts and fear tactics about ordering time or loss of discounts if you wait. They never know what you have had offered to you at other stores so feel free to tell them the discounts (or make some up) and see if they can match the price. Of course you have to really want the dress for this to make sense, but not showing that up front will influence whether or not you get your discount.

6. Don’t be afraid to love a wedding gown too soon. You may really like the first one you try on and you shouldn’t feel the need to go to 10 other stores to compare. There is some myth that wedding gown shopping is a lot like buying a car in that you have to go test drive everything once to accurately compare them all and make a logical decision. The truth is that buying a wedding dress is an emotional decision. You will be wearing this dress on a very important day and if you feel great in it and love the way it looks you don’t have to compare it to anything else. Plus driving around to a million vendors takes a lot of time and may not actually yield something better after wasting several days of your time. It would be far simpler if you knew what you liked and just found something great after 1 trip.

Some of the very affordable dresses from David's Bridal Stores

7. Price matters. There are a lot of bridal salons and wedding gown shops that offer beautiful wedding dresses for $5,000 on up. There are millions of great dresses out there at this price range and they try and make you believe that high cost equals more beauty and true love. Somehow they also try and equate high cost and impressing your guests (social pressure?) with true love too. None of these things are real. The truth is there are some great dresses at the lower price points too and during a recession like this, you should seriously consider these first. Some of my thoughts on the price ranges for wedding dresses are:

$100-$500 These are the low price wedding gown dresses - not top designers, but they were made to copy top designers so they often look almost the same. The differences are usually the fabric type and the imbellishments. No hand beading or hand stitched lace or custom made silk here. These are usually China made gowns, simple fabrics and in a lot of cases light destination wedding type dresses and simpler styles. They still look great though, and a lot of the reason why, is that you make them look great because you are hot. (seriously, he wouldn’t be marrying you if he didn’t think you were hot) A few times a year David’s has a $99 wedding gown sale, but not all the dresses are that price. You can also find some samples in this range and find many used dresses in this range too. Check ebay and craigslist for listings locally so you can go look at in person before you buy and see if there are any great steals at this price range that can save you a lot of money on your wedding.

**Another option in the $200 range is to always order a pretty long floor length bridesmaid dress in cream or white. You don’t get a train but you save a ton of money. Decked out in a veil and bouquet these dresses look awesome. Check out Dessy Creations, Ann Taylor, Jcrew and Watters and Watters or David’s Bridal’s bridesmaid dress collections. You probably want your bridesmaids to have shorter dresses to contrast with yours if you are going to order a bridesmaid dress as a wedding dress though.

$500-$1,000 Wedding Gowns There aren’t many dresses in this price range. Sometimes you can find a designer wedding gown sample sale in this range or a second hand dress (you would be surprised how many have never been worn) Check out sellmyweddingdress.com or sellmyweddingdress.com and Ebay for designer names. Some of David’s Bridal’s fancier dresses are in this price range and they look like they should cost twice that much.

$1,000-$3,000 Wedding Gowns There are more wedding dresses in this price range but still not a lot. Watters and Watters specializes in this price range and Priscilla of Boston used to. You can definitely find a pretty dress made from premium quality silk and materials in this price range but it won’t be the trendiest new thing or the most embellished. They save those designs for the top shelf.

$3,000-$5,000 Wedding Gowns There are a ton of dresses in this range. This seems to be where most wedding gown designer manufacturers like to be in terms of price point in order to make a profit. So, the majority of the dresses you see in magazines will be in this range. They are always trying to push the price point higher for profitability and find ways to make the designs better and more unique so you have to find a way to buy that dress. The latest trend has been store credit cards too. They give a 10% discount on the dress if you put it on the card and don’t think about how you will pay it off until after the wedding.