Chicago Wedding and Bridal Blog

We have come to that point where everyone does while planning their wedding in Chicago [and elsewhere too] when you realize that what you originally forecast-ed for your budget was horribly wrong. The original goal we had for planning the wedding was to have a comfortable yet elegant wedding for less than $15,000. I thought that taking $10,000 off the $25,000 national average for the cost of a wedding would be challenging but possible. We aren’t fancy people, we don’t require a fairy tale wedding or something from a dream-book.

I was wrong. About the money part. We aren’t having anything close to a dream wedding and our projections have it the big 25K mark. This includes everything from the sample invitations to the cost of the all inclusive package at the reception place. The startling thing is that we got decent deals on a lot of things. We turned down a lot of reception halls because they had minimums too high that we could not meet. I bought a sample dress on clearance that actually fits and may not need many alterations. We got the engagement ring from Steve’s family and they were happy to pass on an important heirloom. We are borrowing my dads car for wedding transportation because it’s a really fancy Buick and it’s white.  [and free] Yet we are still looking at 25K in the total column.

Where were the surprise costs? Well a couple of areas. First off, all the wedding vendors quote costs for things assuming you are going to spend $50,000 not $25,000. So, all the average prices you read about in magazines are less than the smallest cheapest packages most places have quoted. This especially is the case in Chicago.

The other thing that we found out was that all this running around to view halls and meet vendors takes a lot of time. Seriously. If you work full time like we both do and have the holidys to contend with and a full social calendar, you don’t have time to go meet with or screen more than a couple vendors in each category. With our Saturdays before the wedding limited now [only 12 left] we have to cut our losses and make some decisions to get things done.

Between a lack of time to meet every vendor to do tireless research and then realizing that we did want to have an event that looks nice and does make the family proud we ended compromising on price. A lot of compromise there sometimes. The things that we ended up spending more on than anticipated were:

1.The flowers, the standard places had no ideas whatsoever when we met with them and it ended up being 4x what my friends paid 7 years ago when we did find someone who can do spectacular flowers.

2. The reception dinner. Guests really want good food and enjoy that the most so we opted for a higher priced meal than we originally thought, plus the prices went up between when we reserved the room and when we will have the wedding.

3. The rehearsal dinner and Sunday brunch. Who knew this got to be such a big group of people and would cost $1,500 for each event. 

4. Photographers and Videographers used to be around $1,000 each when all my friends got married. Not anymore. The photos cost $2,300 for a basic package and we turned away a lot over $3,000 and $4,000. Videography [which I think is actually more difficult to do] costs between $1,500 and $2,500 if you want an edited DVD to show people highlights who weren’t able to make it. Nobody watches the whole thing all the way through over and over again. Its the editing you really need, so you’re stuck paying more for it.

So, we’re pretty happy with things so far in the finding stuff we really likecategory but we have compromised a lot on price and time to get there. I really thought I could do this on a smaller budget but dealing with Chicago prices and needing to stay with high quality stuff, we ended up with a 50K wedding for 25K rather than a 25K wedding for 15K. Its a trade-off but since we have savings to cover it, we are going to run with it and hope we don’t have any more unexpected big budget expenses in the last 12 weeks.

Something about labeling books so you know who's is who's and who gets the wagon wheel table in a divorce. Billy Crystal looks confused. So am I.

So, this post isn’t really about wedding planning in Chicago, but it is an important question in regards to the relationship you are permanently entering with marriage. I am asking this question about when it’s ok to move in together even if it’s before the wedding because I am in the process of moving in with my Fiance’ now.

I own a condo and have been perfectly self sufficient and happy there for the last 7 years but I realized last week that I would rather move all my stuff into his town-home than move myself and cat back into my place and be without him. I spent a week here recuperating from getting my wisdom teeth removed. And in a twist of fate I gained the knowledge that we are much happier together than apart.

So, I went home, picked up more clothes, toiletries and cat food and came back for another week. We moved a few more boxes of my stuff here this weekend and plan on slowly moving things over as time allows. My vintage 1 br condo has been for sale since Thanksgiving in November and it shows no sign of being sold any time soon in this crap real estate market. So, we’re not saving any money doing this, (still paying 2 mortgages) just saving time driving back and forth (sometimes up to an hour each way) and saving either of the cats from the trauma of being left alone for 48 hours over the weekends.

It startled me a bit when I realized we were happier together and wanted to stay, because I always believed those sayings about living together before marriage is a good way to end up in divorce. I was also told many times that if you give in and just live with them a man will never marry you. Are these just old wives tales?

I think there is some truth to the men will never settle down if you let them have it all up front, but Steve really isn’t that type. Plus we’re only 4 months away from the wedding anyway so it’s not like we aren’t going through with it. I also think we get a bonus in time to get adjusted living together. And as happy as it makes us to come home to someone besides a feline, it is still a lot of work.

Our schedules are as different as our stuff. We’re both giving up as much as we are getting here. I have a much longer commute to the city to work every day and he is tasked with dropping me off and picking me up from the train since there is a 7 year waiting list for a parking spot at the Metra train station in Naperville.

Steve sorting through 12 years of man-stuff so we can build an office for 2

He watches copious amounts of TV when he gets home in the evening and doesn’t buy vegetables. I am not used to his 1983 kitchen since I got mine pretty much built to order and organized just how I like it. His mattress has a cave in the center and my makeup clutters up his bathroom now. I like to sing along with Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova CDs although I really can’t sing. Our cats seemed to get along until mine decided it was a sport to chase his and corner them while hissing. So, it’s not as idyllic as you think it’s going to be. Plus there is the inevitable duplicates of everything…silverware, plates, wine glasses, sofas, TVs, beds…and nowhere to put any of it. If this all sounds a bit comical, it is. None of it has created any fights or real tension, just looks of cluelessness every time we come across something new we weren’t expecting.

I also have to remember not to take it personally when he works late (like tonight) and needs a few hours in front of the TV watching SWAT shows instead of being able to discuss wedding planning stuff. He has to remember not to take it personally when I put plastic in the dish washer and use a washcloth only once before tossing it in the hamper.

Overall though, I am happy that we get to work these quirks/lifestyles/things out now before we’re married so when something temporarilly goes wrong you don’t feel trapped and panic wondering what you’re doing living there. On the other hand, if we weren’t engaged and close to being married I probably wouldn’t trust him so much to move in. It has been an eye opening process to go through.

I spent some time collecting some more things this evening at my place and looking around and appreciating it. Sometime within the next year (?) I won’t own it anymore. That single city girl phase of my life will be officially over and all the things I did there will be distant memories. I looked around at everything thinking it was already too late to take pictures, because a lot of my stuff has been moved out, the moment has already passed and I didn’t even capture it. I hope I can remember the details of the place that I picked out and really did like living in for that time.

I am sure Steve and I will be happy together but I will always remember that one time in my life that I was truly self sufficient, owned my own condo, had all my time as my own and had total peace and quiet whenever I wanted it. (except when my neighbors decided otherwise) Somehow the prospect of life with a husband and kids seems like it will be far more crazy, loud and hectic in the years to come.

We spent our Saturday starting our wedding/bridal registry at Macy’s last weekend. We knew it would take a while to work through all the possible combinations of silverware and glassware (crystal) with the china I have passed down from my family but we did not know it would take about 6 hours. Yikes!

The bridal registry process at Macy’s is a bit different than it was at Crate and Barrel. Both give you hand held scanners to input items on your registry but Macy’s has a data entry process first. You work with a “Bridal Registry Consultant” to enter all your names, addresses, wedding dates and mother’s info. Yes, they call your mom and your fiance’s mom when things are on sale to let them know in case they were planning on buying anything and want to get a good discount. This is nice, but at the same time you know it ends up with more sales too.

They also want you to open up a Macy’s credit card to get 5% back on all the purchases that people make from your registry. This isn’t something we did, but if you have 300 people coming to your wedding it could bring you a big Macy’s gift certificate bonus.

The hardest part about finding things for your wedding gift registry at Macy’s is considering all the choices. We went to the State Street Store in Chicago because they had more china, glassware and bedding selection but many of these brands and items are specific to that store. So, some items aren’t listed online and if someone wants to purchase them from the registry they have to call the State Street store directly. I am not sure that is going to go over very well with relatives, but it is what seems to be the case with how Macy’s works.

If you do decide to register at Macy’s for your wedding here are some tips:

1. Look at items online at Macys.com before you get to the store. Get an idea of what colors and styles you are interested in for china, crystal, flatware, silver, bedding, sheets and household appliances. (because there are hundreds to choose from, and many are almost exactly the same) Also, look very carefully at the costs. Prices are sometimes hard to find on items in the store, and they would love you to register for the most expensive items possible. This way when you get there you may already have a few finalists/favorite patterns in china and crystal within your budget that you can look at with your fiance and save a ton of time.

2. Ignore the list of items they give you to check off and register for. That would only be appropriate for someone who had nothing in their kitchen now and wanted every possible item regardless of whether they needed it or not. We’re in a recession so everybody is spending less and we can’t expect relatives and friends to pay $80+ for a crystal goblet or $500 for a silver flatware place setting.

Most of the items have a range and I tried to stay with nice quality on the lower end of price. The wine & water goblet stemware I chose were Lenox and on sale they were $20 each. Unfortunately, we don’t know what the price was off sale. The flatware we chose to go with the china was from Oneida and it was $64 on sale from $87 per place setting. In towels we avoided the hotel collections because they were so expensive and didn’t have a large range of colors. (mostly just white, grey, beige & brown) We registered for Charter Club towels and bath rugs in aqua and a chocolate brown. They can work together or in separate bathrooms and work with some of our existing white/cream colored towels.

3. Really do a good inventory of both your place and your fiance’s place before starting the registry process. We found that since I have lived on my own for 7 years and he has for 12 that we had most everything we needed in the kitchen and didn’t need to register for daily use plates, glasses or silverware (we actually have duplicates). We also found that with the exception of a kitchen aid (or sunbeam) mix master, we also had all the kitchen small appliances that we could possibly ever use. Asking friends what they liked and used from their registry is also helpful.

Keeping your list down helps relatives and family get you what you really need and not spend money on things you won’t use for a long time. Making a list when you do that inventory or find a recipe that requires a utensil/equipment that you don’t have is also helpful because running around a 12 story department store with a scanner can get out of hand quickly.

Also, a personal note: I think the Martha Stewart Items at Macy’s are really low quality and I don’t recommend registering for them because they are cheap copies of big name designers and will fall apart in a year or two of use. Save yourself the headaches and get the better brands and originals that will last a lifetime. (Martha Stewart’s cookware, pots, bed linens and towels are all very low quality at high prices, such a scam)

4. If you have a wedding web site link your bridal registry page from there so it is easy to find and make sure to explain that you have a lot of things already and these lists are specifically things you don’t already own.

Ignore the checklists unless you don't already have these items. We're in a recession and some people can be offended if you pick the most stuff at high prices right now.

5. Macys.com like Crate & Barrel, has an online log-in for your bridal gift registry so that you can search, view and add things to the list that way too. We forgot to add a mattress pad to the list and a clothing steamer (faster than ironing!) so I just added those online today.

6. Don’t be offended if someone calls you and says that they found your pattern at a Lenox or Mikasa China outlet store, sometimes people can find your pattern at a great price and afford to get you more of a gift that way. if they do, remove it from the registry or mark it as already bought so other people won’t give duplicates.

I was reading in the Knot Chicago Bridal Magazine about things that people registered for and never used and I found the list interesting. The things real brides said they never ended up using and wouldn’t recommend registering for were: Giant Wok; Hard to store and still wasn’t their cooking style, Fondue Pot; Used once, never again; Ice Cream Maker; who really uses these when you can buy so much ice cream at the Jewel?, and fancy Egyptian cotton sheets; they were so expensive that it was too scary to use them. I think registering for reasonably priced items that you will really use every day is far smarter.

What tips do you have about your bridal registry experience at Macy’s?

The time has come for my fiance and I to start our wedding (bridal) gift registry. (our wedding is only 4.5 months away now) We are in our mid 30’s and both own our own places to live so creating our wedding registry is a lot more complicated than it would be for 2 people who lived at home with their parents and didn’t own anything yet. It is also a significant part of the process of building our lives together since the wedding gift registry may be the first time you have a reason to talk about things like furniture, housewares and style together. It also sets the tone for future purchases since price is always debatable and this is the first foray into that area too.  

The wedding gift registry used to be more of a Bridal Gift Registry as women were the ones who would be using all these household appliances and cooking utensils in the home. Girls would go pick out what they liked and the men really didn’t give a hoot about what anything looked like style-wise in the home unless they were paying for it. We went to a Crate & Barrel Registry event last Sunday morning in Oak Brook and plan on visiting Macy’s Wedding Gift Registry department on State Street downtown again on Saturday.

Times sure have changed and men are fully integrated into this wedding gift registry process now. Steve and I have both gone to Macy’s and Crate & Barrel where registered and he might is more interested in the kitchen items than I am, since he is a better cook and knows that good quality kitchen tools will lead to better cooking and better food! Many of the men at Crate & Barrel with their fiance’s were very interested in all the kitchen gadgets and choosing everything. Steve was not the only one!

The items he was specifically interested in adding to the gift registry were beer glasses, brandy glasses, a magnetic grill light, wusthof knives, pizza making accessories, giant carving cutting boards and bodum no-sweat glasses.  I was more interested in the things I never bought because I never really had a reason to do large quantity family party cooking before. Things like a dutch oven, a turkey roaster, a coffee carafe, kitchen aid mix master, covered casserole dish, a meat thermometer, china storage cases and textiles like tablecloths and napkins. I decided no vases or candles since I have already indulged in many of those and have plenty.

We were both baffled by choosing the silverware and crystal glassware. (update: it’s finally chosen, see next post) There are millions of designs and patterns and it’s near impossible to see what is supposed to go with the vintage Noritake china I have. I feel like many glassware patterns remind me of specific decades and I don’t want to be stuck in any of them. (hello 90’s cut crystal petal facets at the bottom of the glass) I really want all the things we register for and buy to look timeless. I don’t want to feel like that was so 2009 when I look at it in 2030. (and the few etched leaf pattern glasses I have from the china I inherited are in a style that is no longer produced)

Silver plate flatware is ridiculously expensive ($500 for a 5 piece place setting!!) so I won’t be able to get something like my mom has. Regular stainless flatware is hard to choose also because most patterns look like every day silverware and not fancy enough to go with China and others are overly elaborate/scrolled/gaudy. There is little to choose from in between. I am leaning toward simple stainless silverware with a beaded edge but I won’t be completely sure until we take one of our china plates over to Macy’s to look at things next to it.

The last few items we still need to figure out about the registry are bedding, towels and if we should register for any pots/pans (since we both have sets, his is old oneida non-stick kohl’s brand mine is cheap IKEA 360) and if we should add any small furniture things? (we need a nightstand since he only has 1 we found an old nightstand to use temporarily from his bedroom set he had as a kid, but we still need a lamp for it) We figure Macy’s is a good place for these things. We also figure beige/gold will be the color for the bedding since all 3 of our cats are near that color and it will show less cat hair. (just being practical)

Picking towels are more of an issue since we live in different places now and have a goal of buying a house within a few years. We don’t have any idea of what colors that imaginary house may have in it’s bathroom, so picking colors there will be tough. I like all shades of blues and greens mixed together in a gradient range of colors in a white bathroom. Steve likes dark colors in beige earthy bathrooms. So we may have no idea how to consolidate that. At least the Macy’s sales person was honest that nobody registers for Martha Stewart’s line since it’s cheap crap that falls apart. They recommended Charter Club or Lauren towels and bedding. I believe them, Martha’s line feels like paper and I’d like things to last a long time. (we went with aqua and brown, the best of both worlds)

All this discussion of “stuff” has prompted a theory about what a wedding and gift  registry is for and what the expectations are from it. I really think the registry is for things you don’t already have or could not really afford on your own. Not the little nickel and dime stuff you can get at Target for $5 - $20. That isn’t a problem for us to afford, it’s the big stuff that worries us when it comes to $, so that is where the help is most needed and appreciated.  Plus we both come to the table with a whole house of stuff, so if it’s not on the registry we may not need it because we already have it. (examples: daily glassware, silverware, & plates as well as many kitchen necessities, bakeware, vases, candles, cookbooks (we have gotten like 10 recently) a blender, 2 toasters, a toaster oven, many pots and pans, a griddle, a George foreman grill, a full size grill, 2 dvd players, electric can opener, computer related stuff and a whole bunch of other stuff) 

Aside from the type of things people register for, some people assume they will get a certain amount of $ in gifts from every person depending on how much they spend on the reception per person. These two amounts are totally unrelated. If we spend $100 per person on the reception (very common price) we know we won’t get $100 in gifts back from each person. People buy what they want and what they can afford. It is just not a science and certainly it’s rude to speculate and ask for things like that. And I don’t want my wedding to be about the numbers like that anyway. It’s just supposed to be a party and I hope people have a good time, that’s it.

A lot of the girls I have talked to have all had strategies to get the most out of your registry, and that could be a post in and of itself. I don’t have any strategy to get people to buy more or buy specific things or trade in gifts for cash returns or anything. (Crate & Barrel gives cash rather than store credits for returned registry gifts, some people register for $50 items, return them all and then buy a sofa with the cash. I can’t bring myself to do that) 

I have a range of stuff out there on the gift registry list and if anyone buys anything for us it is extremely generous of them and well appreciated. I can’t get upset when we get 50% random gifts that we didn’t register for nor can we use or return. (all my friends have had this happen) People will always do this and have already started with the engagement gifts this way (magic bullet blender anyone? it works great, but how often do you blend things?)  Other odd gifts that I have seen at other showers have been cross-stitched kleenex box covers and old Christmas ornaments. Not really practical?

I really like vintage aqua pyrex and jadeite glassware things but since I can’t really register for those things and they’re pretty specific I won’t mention them at all. It’s best that I leave that to my own Kane County fairgrounds flea market shopping anyway. (sometimes I don’t even know what I am looking for with vintage) Luckily we chose mostly simple styles that all blend together. Steve keeps asking if everything has to match? I don’t think he realizes that isn’t possible even if you buy it all from the same store. I run an eclectic household and hopefully he is ok with that. (seems like he is, no complaints yet)

So, I am going into this wedding registry process with a grain of salt and I am picking out things we will probably buy for our new house even if people don’t buy them for us as gifts. It’s stuff that is practical and sensible and will get used a lot over the years. (no specialty gadgets like panini presses, cappuccino machines or waffle makers, they just take up space and don’t get used much) And we get 10% off the remaining items at Macy’s and Crate & Barrel after the wedding to help with that too. 

So, my advice if you have a wedding to attend is to see what you can find on the registry or get a gift certificate for that store. (hey, that’s really easy too!) I am pretty sure the bride and groom will thank you profusely.

Do you have any registry advice or stories to share?

Holy Name Cathedral in Chicago is a pretty famous church to get married in, I didn't have those kind of connections.

It is not surprise that I grew up a Polish Catholic in Chicago. A large percentage of people here have that exact same demographic. I dreamed of getting married in a beautiful church like St. Mary of Częstochowa in Cicero where my dad’s family is from.

Our family went to Our Lady of Peace Catholic Church in Darien though. Very modern and minimalist. I got used to it over the years and when I got engaged last fall I was actually excited at the thought of getting married there since I grew up going to church there.

Along the way though, I seem to have become more of an atheist than I thought. Something about the lack of plausibility in everything about what was said all those years has made me respect the Catholic church but not really believe in it anymore. (surprisingly, my family has felt the same way despite all their Catholic upbringing and schooling too) My fiance is more agnostic and he believes in God although not restrictive, war inducing organized religions. None of this was a problem until we went to the “theology seminar” on Tuesday. (the first of 6 “classes” as a part of their required marriage prep program.

It really wasn’t a history/bible lesson about marriage in the sense of here are some road maps we think work well to follow. It was a degrading rant session by a Theology professor from Montini High School who proceeded to call us “fools” for breaking any of the “rules” of the catholic church. Why do they not understand that you will always attract more people with honey than ridicule?

What made this even more odd was that amidst telling us we would suffer eternal damnation for going things like taking birth control pills and using condoms he kept saying the word “like” in-between most words. So, he basically sounded like a 13 year old.  (If you aren’t like going to confession weekly you’re like an idiot)

Truth be told, I don’t know if there is a “god” or not, (but there certainly is no afterlife) but I can’t prove it one way or another and I always thought I wanted to get married in a church. It makes me wonder why now? I accept that I was raised in a Judeo-Christian-Freemarket-Capitalist society and this has framed my views of what is good and bad, right and wrong and what feels like a meaningful wedding.

I feel like going to a judge or rent-a-reverend for my wedding in Chicago is meaningless and fake but I don’t want to be full-on Catholic either. It just feels wrong to be that mean. It feels incredibly discriminatory toward other people with different backgrounds (they said the other religions were the work of the devil) and it seems against freedom of everything American really. And it feels like they disrespect nature and science while at the same time disrespecting the intelligence of the college educated people there.  There must be a way to have a more meaningful ceremony without being overbearing and discriminatory.

I also felt like the advice they gave in this “theology class” for making your marriage work amounted to: Read the bible and Pray together. WTF? That’s it? We are supposed to find the answers to our feelings and relationship from a 2,000 year old book translated from Latin and changed around multiple times to fit their marketing needs? That was rude and useless. I guess what I really liked about the Catholic church was the tradition, the singing, the community. People coming together to try and remember what is really important in our busy lives and get back to our morals.  Plus my family had a history there since before they came to America around 1900. Not the “everyone who doesn’t follow us this exact way is evil or going to hell” stuff. The demeaning judgemental nature is not what America is about. 

Basically all this means that I have to find somewhere else to get married. We are looking into some other churches and my Fiance’s family church. They are Presbyterian. I am ok with what their program sounds like. It says it is a 4 week course taught by a psychologist (not a deacon or priest) about how to communicate effectively and stay together amongst all the challenges you face. It sounds like real practical advice to me.

Please do not bother to comment if you are going to rant about how I am going to burn in hell for having my views. There is no point in criticising other people for their own personal decisions. I don’t pick on Catholics, I just choose to live my own life. Remember that is allowed in a Democracy.

Update: We have decided to get married at First Presbyterian Church in Wheaton instead. They have our date reserved, so things seem to be in the works there and hopefully will be better.

Update 2: The deacon called yesterday asking why we weren’t at the latest meeting session and wasn’t best pleased when I told him we wouldn’t be having our wedding there. What gets me is that as a last knife twist he decided to tell me that our FOCUS test (scantron) scores weren’t very good and it would have taken a lot of meetings with them in order to get married anyway. He had the gaul to say we didn’t know eachother as well as we thought we did. Hah! More undermining our confidence in our decisions in the catholic guilt way. I know what we answered may have been different, we discussed all the questions right after we took the test and found that the way they were worded was very confusing, and we had interpreted them to mean different things. When we discussed it we found we were ok on most things but obviously differ in reading comprehension skills.

This is the veil I ordered for my wedding from David's Bridal, I am very happy with it.

Choosing my wedding veil and how to wear my hair on my wedding day shouldn’t have been that difficult but it was. I wanted a simple short veil and a simple up-do hair style with a flowered hair clip on the side since I saw it in a Chicago Bride magazine and it looked simple and elegant. The veil I wanted was a two tier somewhat full veil in white on a comb. The hair clips and combs I saw that I liked had small rhinestones decorating floral patterns that went in the hair next to the bun or twist of hair. I also like the white flowers and feathers on clips, but I thought it might not match my dress as well as the rhinestones did. They always say that a bride should have something in her hair to look like a bride. Plus it is your day to shine so if you want a big sparkly tiara you can wear that and be a princess for the day. 

What I did not know was that buying a wedding veil either costs a lot of money or takes a lot of time. I started looking at veils when I was trying on wedding gowns at the bridal stores in Chicagoland but I wasn’t really taking them seriously. The sales ladies love to put long cathedral length veils on you with the dresses because they are more dramatic and cost a lot more money than the short elbow and fingertip length veils. I knew that a cathedral length veil with embriodery or lace could cost $500 or more, way beyond my budget.

Many traditional style wedding dresses look amazing with a long cathedral length veil with a lace edge or embroidery and beading on them. If you can afford to spend more money on your veil it will look amazing and beautiful, but I just couldn’t afford that. The other problem is that having lace or beading on the edge of a cathedral length veil can be tricky because the beads and lace tend to catch on the carpet and could pull the veil right off your head. I have seen it happen. Test out the cathedral length long veil you want while walking before you order it.

I started by going to haircomesthebride.com because it was recommended in a Chicagoland Bride Magazine I had. They had a cute hair comb in the magazine so I went online and thought the decorative flowered comb and veil seemed reasonable and ordered them. The veil was supposed to be just past shoulder length and the comb was rhinestones and white flowers. Well I found out the hard way that this site doesn’t take returns and I got stuck with a $55 veil that was way too short and did not really cover my face (maybe that is why it is the site “special”) and a $95 comb with flowers that stretched way further over my head than looked appropriate.

This retro vintage style Birdcage Veil is also really popular right now although you can't really flip it back in the ceremony and you pretty much have to take it off for the reception. It's just good for pictures only.

HairComesTheBride.com agreed to take the rhinestone hair clip back but not the veil (lying that the veils are all custom made and can’t be resold) and I would have had to pay for shipping. I looked back at their site and thought maybe I missed the measurements or something, and yet there were none. I would have never been able to figure out that these were the wrong size for me because the pictures are misleading and there are no measurements and of course you can’t try things on over the internet. So, that was $166 down the drain. I may list these items on ebay because they have never been worn and then at least I will get some of the money back.

Next I got an email from David’s Bridal (yes the same ones that have been spamming me and calling all the time) with a clearance sale for wedding and bridal accessories. Hmmm….They said you could not order online when they last called to try and make me book another appointment.

I found a scalloped edge veil on sale for $50. It was a longer fingertip-elbow length veil rather than a shoulder length veil and there were a few small flowers embroidered at the scallop points. I just got this in the mail last week and my mom was ecstatic when she saw it, so this one is a keeper. (although it needs a light ironing after being in a shipping box) I liked it too because it was long enough for the top tier layer of the veil to be flipped forward for the church ceremony. The veil was $145 originally but getting it on sale at $50 was even better.

This is an example of a plain long cathedral length veil. And a very fluffy dress.

Come to think of it, I may keep the comb I ordered and see if there is any way to bend or modify the flower prongs to make it smaller so it doesn’t take over my entire head. Or maybe I will find something smaller. I was in Fox Valley Mall the other day and there were smaller versions of all the same bridal rhinestone and flowered hair combs and clips that haircomesthebride.com had, on one of those center of the mall cart kiosks with some very nice Asian ladies selling them. They were $30-$50. I think I may go back and get a smaller one too and which ever one I don’t use may go on Ebay later. It is interesting what you find in places you never expect.

There are also some local options for ordering Veils in Chicago. Priscilla of Boston and David’s Bridal can order veils and sometimes they have veils in stock you can buy right there. House of Brides is all kinds of disaster so just avoid them. There was a place in Fox Valley Mall called Total Wedding that had some veils to try on in the back of the store too (and dresses between $500 and $1300) but they would have to be ordered.

Many people also look into making their own veils since there is so little sewing involved. My friend Amy made her own long veil with the veil chiffaun type netting from a fabric store. She just cut it to length, sewed it in gathered pleats to the veil comb and edged the ends with ribbon and ironed it. It saved here about the same amount of money as I did on the clearance veil. Making your own veil is always an option too if you have a wedding where you want your colors other than white included on the veil. Embellishing a plain store bought veil yourself with colored beads is always an option too if you enjoy sewing. A simple 5 bead circle with a bead in the middle looks like a flower and can be sewn pretty easily.

Whatever veil you choose, look around at a variety of places before you buy and always try it on or check the return policy before ordering.

Some choices from the MW Tux Site

The process for finding a Tuxedo was supposed to be one of the easiest parts of planning the wedding. Just go to the MW Tux website, pick one and go to the store and reserve it right? Well not so fast. MW Tux is part of Men’s Warehouse and also associated with David’s Bridal in a lead sharing kind of way. Before we had even gotten to the point where we thought about looking for Tuxedos in Chicago, the David’s Bridal / MW Tux people had called 4 times. That is 4 times too many.

So, we were hopeful that we would be able to go visit a MW Tux store at Fox Valley Mall or the on in the full size Men’s Warehouse store outside the malllast weekend while the best man was in town from France nd get this all over with already. We weren’t so lucky.

First off it has been a long time since Steve or I had a reason to look at Tuxedos in Chicago. Neither of us work for companies that have black tie events and socially we are more of the BBQ set than the jet set. What happened to Gingiss FormalWear? And all the other places that were around when I was in High School? I am not sure when Men’s Warehouse took over the market but they have completely squashed their competitors. This is evident when looking at the MW Tux website compared with say the Savvi Formal Wear site.

Nobody even comes close to having the build your own tux functions or the colors and combinations MW Warehouse has. The Savvi Formal-wear site is a bit clunky and only has the manufacturer pictures on the site. Most of the Tuxes there are the weird odd versions not the classic modern ones we wanted and what most people rent. Fail.

Then we get to the store and the Savvi Formalwear HS kid employee pretty much attacks us to register for “only $20″. Why would we pay them money to fill out a note card that says “sales lead” on it? You have got to be kidding me. That, the mannequins falling over and the FUBU designs tuxes made sure we left without divulging any personal information. I am sure we would get about 50 calls from them if we had made that mistake.

What was annoying was that Steve and Brian didn’t seem to notice that this was a huge sales pitch for bad stuff and that they should run out of there. There were no samples of the Tuxes to try on and we couldn’t make any decisions about what looked good on them there.

Next we went to the MW Tux store location in the Fox Valley Mall. They also had no samples to try on in the store. Why is this such an issue? Don’t Tuxedo companies know that there are about 500 styles and you can’t choose one unless you actually try it on? Who wants to be at their wedding day in a Tux they don’t actually look good in?

Yes, there are a lot of weird Tuxes that can easily be chosen by accident without looking closely at the details. (long jackets, diamond shaped lapels, weird pinstripes, pleated pants, rounded lapels, peak lapels and slightly off colors like dark brown and navy blue are all in the mix, be careful what you choose) You want a 2 or 3 button Tuxedo with a notched lapel and a vest $regular tie (euro tie?). No pleats in the pants and no bow tie or cumber-bun. Those are way out of style now. All the vests come in different brocade and geometric woven patterns. The fabric is really nice and looks like the same kind you would get in a high quality tie. The range of colors are pretty much limitless.

An example of the Calvin Klein 2 button Tux with a solid black vest and euro tie. It looks like they had Ryan Seacrest model all their Tuxes.

So, we asked about 5 times before they let us try on some of the actual tuxes for sale. They weren’t the same designers as what was for rental, but at least we saw that Steve really needed a 2 button Tux rather than the 3 button styles I had been eyeing since my brother recommended that style. The sales girl was actually very helpful and suggested that we look at the super 100 summer weight fabric tuxes. If you any hint of a belly at all, a 2 button jacket style is the way to go, a 3 button jacket buckles above the belly if you have one and looks funny.

We were still disappointed though that we couldn’t also try on the entire ensemble because there was a bit of disagreement between the best man and the groom about the vest colors and ties. I suggested white, grey, silver or blacksince I have a white dress and the bridesmaids are wearing black. The flowers are purple, nobody wanted to go there. The MW Tux store had some mannequins dressed in Tuxes to look at with Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein, Jones New York, Tommy Hilfiger designs.

Steve was ambivalent about all the colors except he liked Gold, which wasn’t a choice in the first place, because it isn’t a color in the wedding. He also said he didn’t want a white Tux, which also wasn’t a choice. This was like me asking him which chinese food he wants to order from the menu and him saying ham. All the vests were on hangers displayed on the wall, I must have knocked down a dozen with my bulky coat trying to show the guys their choices for the wedding colors.

Brian said that he did not like the lighter colors because he was a “Winter” and could not wear them. (What????) So, he liked dark grey or black vests and ties. At least there was a preference. Steve still just wanted to try the whole thing on so he could say he still didn’t know which he liked better, so we got nothing decided and went to the main Men’s Warehouse located near by.

There we found they had even less than the Fox Valley Mall store. They had a bunch of color swatches on a ring for the vests and some tuxes for sale. Hmm, they said they don’t have anything to try on either. How does anyone ever try on a Tuxedo in Chicago before they rent one? Is it possible? Do you have to do a test rental of 5 at $150 a piece and take them home to try them on finally? This is a ridiculous cost cutting move by the companies that rent tuxes to not stock samples and it is screwing up our process big time.

So, in the end we placed no orders for any Tuxes and have not decided to rent anything. We have gone back to the MW Tux site and used the tux-builder but no decisions have been made. I still feel like there isn’t any reputable choice for Tuxedo rental in Chicago besides MW Tux. They have all the right styles and a fantastic website. Why can’t they just stock some jackets, vests and ties so guys like these without any formal-wear experience can choose what they want to wear on the day they get married. Wouldn’t that help them sell more?

Any store owner that thinks that men have a clue about what style looks good on them hasn’t had any experience with these guys and may be loosing a lot of sales this way. I don’t have any recommendation about how to fix this or make it better/easier for other brides, just keep asking to try on samples and maybe one day they will decide to stock them.

A trendy wedding in pink and brown, I bet this florist didn't cold call this bride.

I have had a lot of cold calls from telemarketers latley who seem to be getting my name and number from bridal stores trunk shows and wedding bridal expos. I understand that these companies may use my info to market to me but I did not expect them to sell my name in a database list to all the local companies who are looking for wedding and bridal related business. And I thought I was avoiding all the trouble by just avoiding the craptastic House of Brides…

Today it was a random Chicago florist, the other day it was David’s bridal demanding to know why I haven’t been back. I have not been answering my phone at work for obvious reasons and they have called 5 times! (Seriously, do isn’t it obvious? Duh, I found my dress, and stop asking me about my 2 bridesmaids that can’t use any of the revealing stuff you sell) The Florist from the bridal expo show started out saying that I won some drawing at David’s Bridal and then when I said I had a florist picked out already she just hung up. How rude. I used to think this wedding planning process was like working in a purchasing department in business but people are far less professional.

I also get random emails from vendors of a wedding and bridal expo and a trunk show that I registered for but ended up not being able to attend. They all start the emails as, “It was so good to meet you at the Bridal Expo!” and it is a complete lie. The thing is it isn’t just marketing, it is really bad marketing.

Watters and Watters gowns on dress racks at a wedding and bridal boutique.

And don’t let me get started on Macy’s. I went there once for an appointment trying on dresses and they have been harassing me ever since. What started out as a very nice appointment has turned into a reason to block phone calls. First off they won’t let you book appointments to try on dresses during “trunk shows” weekends because they only show the one wedding gown designer that the trunk show so if you work like me and can only come in on weekends, and want to see the dresses you tried on and liked last time and show your mom or soon to be mother in law you have to book an appointment a month or two in advance. Then they harass you by calling all the time for all the other trunk shows they have and get all pissed when I can’t make agree to appointments or end up make them after being pressured. I would have called to cancel if they were within a few months of me actually making them.

Seriously, you can’t win. If I could go back and do this over again, not only would I consider eloping to avoid this long procurement nightmare, I would not give any of these stores or bridal expos my real name or information until I actually wanted to purchase something. It is just too innapropriate to keep getting calls during the work day and getting emails from photographers, laser hair removal places and DJ’s that I have never met before nor do I like their products. It is an invasion of my privacy when it happens this frequently. (daily)

This is an adorable elegant lavender purple bouquet with orchids and succulents. This florist was using internet marketing correctly with nice pirctures on a web site rather than telemarketers and databases to hard sell.

I am doing more and more of my wedding planning online where I get to see items on my own time when without an appointment and a 1 hour drive and I just click and order what I want without being pestered.

I did buy my dress in person, but since it was a sample dress I didn’t have to deal with all the bullshit that you get from ordering and altering your dress a year in advance from a Chicago designer gown trunk show. My wedding dress proudly hangs in my parents house covered in plastic waiting for the big day. I also found that there are millions of web sites that sell very reasonably priced veils, headpieces, gloves, shoes and all kinds of wedding accessories.

David’s bridal doesn’t even let you buy accessories online through their site. If I can buy anything else in the world on Amazon.com and have it shipped to my house in days why can’t I do that with wedding accessories too? I have fell in love with the Wedding Paper Divas site and just orded my save the date cards today. More on that in my next post.

Sunflowers seem to be a big theme for summer weddings.

By far the hardest part of planning our wedding so far (after finding a reception hall) has been trying to find a theme or color combination for the wedding. There are a million options and for some reason we didn’t have any characteristics that were meaningful in colors or wedding themes. In fact we are in our mid-late thirties so getting married at this point is really less about themes and more about simply getting married and being happy.

I found the whole wedding planning process to be kind of odd when it’s centered around a theme. Some people we have heard bout go with themes from movies or TV shows they like (The Office, Star Wars) others go with a theme that is important to them (mostly the bride) like Vineyard weddings or Disney Magic Weddings.

What is even more complicated is how the seasons work into planning wedding colors and flowers. Red is apparently for winter, along with dark purple plum colors, browns and silver light blue combinations. White is an anytime color but awfully boring with a white

Red is more for winter but this combination with aqua is new

room, white dress, white tablecloths and white flowers. Pinks, yellows and pastels are spring wedding colorswhich is fairly predictable as long as it doesn’t end up looking like a baby shower or your family Easter dinner.

We also found that we were somewhat limited in wedding theme colors by what colors you can get in flowers, tablecloths and bridesmaids dresses. The flower part was the most difficult. You can get flowers in reds, oranges, yellows, greens, pinks, whites, cream, lavender, brown and some blue-ish purples. That may sound like a full color spectrum but it means that if you like teal or grey dresses you may have to pick a complimenting color for your wedding flowers rather than a coordinating matching color. (like yellow or white)

Plus we found that if you go to local mainstream florist chain stores you will be limited to the colors of flowers you can get and the styles of arrangements and bouquets they sell. We went to 2 Phillip’s Florists in Chicagoland (Naperville and Downers Grove) and while both designers were nice and tried to be helpful, there wasn’t anything really impressive there in their books. It was very basic and very plain designs that you have seen at another million weddings. If you want something standard chosen from a book and not really unique they can do that on a small budget. They quoted us $1,200 and $1,500 for all the flowers for the wedding. I thought that was a very affordable and reasonable price but I still was looking for something unique and I could not design it myself.

Purple Vanda Orchids

having any suggestions from the florists that seemed better, I turned to the internet to do more research.

I found a lot of small blogs and florist sitesthat had great pictures to look at when you are looking for colors and designs. A lot of people also put together inspiration boards to coordinate their planning thoughts. An inspiration board is just a collage online of the images you have right clicked and saved on your computer that you like. 

After surfing google images, flickr, blogs and the knot for about 2 weeks I found a few pictures I

liked. (there is a lot of fugly stuff out there too) We tried a third florist in River Forest, IL called Tulipia. Ashley was great in looking through the photos and telling us his honest professional opinion about the colors and what was available in July that we could work with. We ended up with lavender and violet/purple/plumof all colors. (with black callas and purple vanda orchids) I love it though.

Some plum and violet colors used in Weddings

It is different than what I have seen before and I think Tulipia floral designs has a modern edge to their designs that will make the arrangements fabulous. Plus I can’t go with the standard clear glass square or cylinder vases because they look cheap and just like everyone else’s. I am thinking that footed urns and bowls in black would be better because it will set off the lavender well. The white tablecloths and lavender table runners and napkins should also look ok with that. I will try and get something plum for the wedding favors and some plum ribbon to work into bows on the favors, bouquets and dresses. It seems to all be coming together finally. What a relief.

One of the millions of beautiful designer gowns out there to choose from.

After finding my wedding dress last weekend at Priscilla of Boston I was thinking of how clueless I was about this process when I started and what I would tell someone as advice if they asked about where and how to shop and buy a wedding dress in Chicago. I think there are some misunderstandings about wedding gown shopping in general and understanding them will help you avoid the pitfalls that can happen during this complicated process. So, here is my advice for how and where to shop for your wedding gown. Also, knowing the price ranges that they come in and how to explore the lower price options first helps you figure out if you really do need to pay that much for your wedding gown.

1. Start by looking online. It helps if you are thin (seriously) because if you aren’t as thin as the models you won’t really be able to tell anything meaningful about the dresses or how the will look on you from the photos. If you are like me ( a heavy busted size 12) you can look online but most of these wedding dresses won’t have any similarity to the way they look online when you try them on. They can litterally change shape on you. I just right clicked and saved the photos I liked on my desktop and printed the ones I wanted to show the sales people for ideas when I went in for appointments. It is just a start to familiarize yourself with the styles and trends in wedding gowns right now since they keep changing every year.

2. Start looking at the cheapest bridal shop places first and then work your way up to the most expensive ones for simplicity sake. Trust me when I say that expensive wedding dresses are just as frustrating as cheaper ones when they don’t fit. Save yourself the anxiety of worrying about how you will scrape together $5,000 for a dress that you can’t even see on yourself properly and just go see how you look in a wedding dress generally first at a cheaper store that sells off the rack. In fact I recommend starting at David’s Bridal or any other shop that actually has your size of the dress you want to try on in the store. Some stores just sell samples they have on hand, this is a great place to start.

A very pretty and expensive vera wang wedding gown from her 2008 collection.

3. If you are smaller than a size 8 or 10 you have it easy. A couple of clips in the back and all the dresses will fit you with a fairly accurate idea of what it will look like in your size. The hardest part may be figuring out what you feel is your strongest asset and finding a dress to show it off. Knowing this before you go to the appointment saves a lot of time trying on a lot of wedding gowns that aren’t what you want. Don’t pay so much attention to colors if the dress is order-able or customizable either.

4. Listen to the style advice that the dress sales lady gives you. Some are occasionally rude, but most of these ladies have worked with these dresses every day for a long time and see girls in every shape and height come into their store. They know what works and what doesn’t work on most body types and some even know how to cleverly hide features you don’t like and accentuate the ones you do like. I found that the dresses the bridal consultants suggested were often better than the ones I picked out on the internet. But you have to start somewhere.

5. Don’t let the Sales Lady (bridal consultant) make you feel guilty about leaving without buying anything and certainly don’t let them pressure you into buying today (closing the sale) if you are not ready. I know that the percentage chance that a girl will come back and buy after they leave the salon is like 2% so they have to pull out all the stops while they have you there. Expect a lot of questions as to why you didn’t decide yet, increases in discounts and fear tactics about ordering time or loss of discounts if you wait. They never know what you have had offered to you at other stores so feel free to tell them the discounts (or make some up) and see if they can match the price. Of course you have to really want the dress for this to make sense, but not showing that up front will influence whether or not you get your discount.

6. Don’t be afraid to love a wedding gown too soon. You may really like the first one you try on and you shouldn’t feel the need to go to 10 other stores to compare. There is some myth that wedding gown shopping is a lot like buying a car in that you have to go test drive everything once to accurately compare them all and make a logical decision. The truth is that buying a wedding dress is an emotional decision. You will be wearing this dress on a very important day and if you feel great in it and love the way it looks you don’t have to compare it to anything else. Plus driving around to a million vendors takes a lot of time and may not actually yield something better after wasting several days of your time. It would be far simpler if you knew what you liked and just found something great after 1 trip.

Some of the very affordable dresses from David's Bridal Stores

7. Price matters. There are a lot of bridal salons and wedding gown shops that offer beautiful wedding dresses for $5,000 on up. There are millions of great dresses out there at this price range and they try and make you believe that high cost equals more beauty and true love. Somehow they also try and equate high cost and impressing your guests (social pressure?) with true love too. None of these things are real. The truth is there are some great dresses at the lower price points too and during a recession like this, you should seriously consider these first. Some of my thoughts on the price ranges for wedding dresses are:

$100-$500 These are the low price wedding gown dresses - not top designers, but they were made to copy top designers so they often look almost the same. The differences are usually the fabric type and the imbellishments. No hand beading or hand stitched lace or custom made silk here. These are usually China made gowns, simple fabrics and in a lot of cases light destination wedding type dresses and simpler styles. They still look great though, and a lot of the reason why, is that you make them look great because you are hot. (seriously, he wouldn’t be marrying you if he didn’t think you were hot) A few times a year David’s has a $99 wedding gown sale, but not all the dresses are that price. You can also find some samples in this range and find many used dresses in this range too. Check ebay and craigslist for listings locally so you can go look at in person before you buy and see if there are any great steals at this price range that can save you a lot of money on your wedding.

**Another option in the $200 range is to always order a pretty long floor length bridesmaid dress in cream or white. You don’t get a train but you save a ton of money. Decked out in a veil and bouquet these dresses look awesome. Check out Dessy Creations, Ann Taylor, Jcrew and Watters and Watters or David’s Bridal’s bridesmaid dress collections. You probably want your bridesmaids to have shorter dresses to contrast with yours if you are going to order a bridesmaid dress as a wedding dress though.

$500-$1,000 Wedding Gowns There aren’t many dresses in this price range. Sometimes you can find a designer wedding gown sample sale in this range or a second hand dress (you would be surprised how many have never been worn) Check out sellmyweddingdress.com or sellmyweddingdress.com and Ebay for designer names. Some of David’s Bridal’s fancier dresses are in this price range and they look like they should cost twice that much.

$1,000-$3,000 Wedding Gowns There are more wedding dresses in this price range but still not a lot. Watters and Watters specializes in this price range and Priscilla of Boston used to. You can definitely find a pretty dress made from premium quality silk and materials in this price range but it won’t be the trendiest new thing or the most embellished. They save those designs for the top shelf.

$3,000-$5,000 Wedding Gowns There are a ton of dresses in this range. This seems to be where most wedding gown designer manufacturers like to be in terms of price point in order to make a profit. So, the majority of the dresses you see in magazines will be in this range. They are always trying to push the price point higher for profitability and find ways to make the designs better and more unique so you have to find a way to buy that dress. The latest trend has been store credit cards too. They give a 10% discount on the dress if you put it on the card and don’t think about how you will pay it off until after the wedding.

If i had not found my dress when I did, I would have bought this one. It looks almost as good and is only $500.

I started my search (journey) for my wedding gown like many Chicago brides do, online and in those glossy perfect bridal magazines. Chicago has many good bridal and wedding magazines written with this area in mind. The two I have are Chicago Bride and Chicago Weddings. I found the Chicago Wedding information very helpful in the southwest suburban wedding reception site listings and the local wedding vendor information. BUT, all the bridal magazines weren’t terribly helpful in the search for a wedding gown in Chicago. They had lots of ads from big name companies with really skinny models wearing coture dresses and all kinds of weird styles that were either way too expensive or not at all what would fit my body. Some of the local shops are Priscilla of Boston, House of Brides, Francia Bridal, A Joyful Occasion, Macy’s and David’s Bridal. I was interested in Watters and Watters and not sure where to find them since they are a cheaper but nice brand. It is impossible to see what the stores have from just one ad. Instead, you spend a lot of time making appointments and driving from bridal store to bridal store.

So, I really found myself not liking anything in the magazines because I couldn’t picture my size 12 body wearing any of these skin tight dresses when it isn’t smooth, perfect or thin. The problem is that is what the world thinks is pretty, while people like me are sedentary and need to get some exercise once in a while. My first bridal dress appointment was at Macy’s because I grew up thinking that Marshall Fields was the place to go for a fancy dress and I wanted to give them a chance. I am glad I did, the experience at the State Street store was fun but they have dresses that start at about $2,000 and I really needed to spend less than that.

I put off going shopping a while longer thinking I would loose more weight and well, it hasn’t happened. I need to seriously get back on the wagon with the wedding dress diet. I finally made 4 appointments last weekend at local bridal shops in the southwestern suburbs to start tackling this dress problem. I made the appointments for 11 am at Priscilla of Boston in Oak Brook, 1:30 at David’s Bridal in Lombard, 3 pm at Francia Bridal in Hinsdale and 5 pm at A Joful Occasion in Naperville. 

Long story short,I never made it to Francia Bridal or A Joyful Occasion. I wish I would have seen them earlier to at least be able to comment on them but all I know is that A Joyful Occasion in is a sample store where the owner buys sample dresses, never worn and worn once dresses from all over the country online for lower prices and then marks them up and sells them there. It is probably not a bad idea if you need a weddng dress in Chicago off the rack now and don’t have time to order one but you can only get what is there and no ordering new dresses in your size. It can be frustrating if they have a great dress that doesn’t fit and what fits you, isn’t your style. But I am guessing they are always buying more so they might get new wedding dresses all the time.

 I started my day at Priscilla of Boston because I worked there for a short time about 8 years ago. I needed a part time job on weekends to save some money and they were close by and paid well. It was something I enjoyed and wedding dress construction isn’t all that different than figure skating dress construction that I had experience with from 10 years of skating. I found a lot has changed at Priscilla Of Boston since I worked there last. They have multiple lines and even carried other designers for a while. They even give some discounts now that they never did before. Priscilla of Boston makes 2 kinds of dresses, the traditional hand made in Boston alencon lace kind (with or without beading) and the covered in beading princess kind from China. (most everybody’s dress comes from China these days)

I found that Priscilla Of Boston didn’t even have anything below $3,000 despite someone saying on Yelp that they carried Watters and Wattersdresses for around $1,000. The Samples also had a hard time fitting even though they were 10’s. It made it hard to try them on since they aren’t in my size. The salesperson Nancy was very nice and tried to accomodate my difficult needs of low price and lots of structure to support my bustline. The first 3 dresses were all very odd on me. None looked right. My cleaveage showed out the side of the halter top, the weird Jackie-O blouse top dress just made my boobs look bigger and the horizontal ribbons dress made me look as wide as a cow. (well, I am a cow so that was accurate). Then when I was about to leave from feeling like I was really in the wrong place she asked if I wanted to try on one last dress.

I was pretty logical through the whole process, evaluating how the dresses looked and not being emotional about it but after they rang up the sale and I saw the dress hung ready to go I started to get giddy. I realized I had found a great dress that made me look thinner than I am at an incredibly cheap price. Now my wedding dress just has to be cleaned, hemmed and bustled a few months before the wedding date. I also have to get some thick satin rbbon to use for a sash too.

The Watters and Watter dress I bought on sale at Priscilla of Boston last week

I did go to David’s Bridal anyway after this even though I already had my dress. I wanted to report that I thought they had a lot of very fancy dresses at very reasonable prices. (downright cheap compared to Priscilla’s) I liked David’s setup more than Priscilla and Macy’s. David’s was far more organized and there was more room to walk and see your dress. Priscilla’s is especially crowded and hard to find anyone or anything in that store. David’s bridal has also come a long way in their dress designs and make some dresses that rival the designers that are $5,000.00. If I had not gotten that dress at such a deep discount I would have spent a little more and gotten a $500 David’s Bridal Gown. I think they offer great solutions at very affordable prices. The alterations cost $250 wherever you goso don’t be a priss and complain when that happens, it is standard everywhere.

And you may be asking, what about House of Brides? The House of Brides has been in business forever and has the worst reputation for messing up orders, not delivering dresses as promised and generally being rude. I had no interest in going there and am glad I did not waste my time. Some of the stories of what has happened at House of Brides on Yelp were terrifying.

From Big Wedding Tiny Budget - How to not break the bank by figuring out who pays for what or how much from the start to plan your budget. This little piggy saved money.

Deciding who will pay for what at your wedding in Chicago is one of the most important things to start figuring out when you get engaged. How much money you have to work with and who is taking part in the planning will determine a lot about what you end up doing. The thing is, money is a difficult topic to talk about, especially with family. You may not want to start your engagement and wedding planning process out with the tough questions, but if you don’t ask parents or relatives or your fiance about how much you can afford to spend, you will out spend yourself very quickly in Chicago. There are a lot of books on wedding traditions, protocol, etiquette and manners that involve rules about who pays for what. You can find most of these wedding cost lists online and they usually look something like this:

 Traditional Breakdown of Expenses

Wedding Ring for Groom - The Bride
Wedding Gift for Groom - The Bride
Bridesmaid Gifts - The Bride
Bridesmaid Luncheon - The Bride

Wedding Gown, Headpiece & Accessories - The Bride’s Family
Church Fee - The Bride’s Family
Bridesmaid Bouquets - The Bride’s Family
Grandmother Corsages - The Bride’s Family
Ceremony/Reception Flowers - The Bride’s Family
Altar Flowers/Arches - The Bride’s Family
Canopy/Carpet/Isle runner - The Bride’s Family
Kneeling Bench/Candleabrahs - The Bride’s Family
Rented Items for Wedding - The Bride’s Family
Rented Items for Reception - The Bride’s Family
Invitations/Announcements - The Bride’s Family
Wedding Programs - The Bride’s Family
Napkins/Matches/Printed Items - The Bride’s Family
Musician/Soloist - The Bride’s Family
Church Janitor - The Bride’s Family
Reception Hall Fee - The Bride’s Family
Catered Reception/Professional Services - The Bride’s Family
Wedding Photography - The Bride’s Family
Video Photography - The Bride’s Family
Orchestra/Band/DJ - The Bride’s Family
Wedding Cake - The Bride’s Family
Wedding Favors - The Bride’s Family
Rice Bags - The Bride’s Family
Wedding Breakfast - The Bride’s Family
Father of Bride Formal Wear - Bride’s Family
Bridal Brunch - The Bride’s Family

Maid of Honor Gown - Maid of Honor
Matron of Honor Gown -Matron of Honor
Bridesmaid’s Gowns - Bridesmaid’s

Wedding Ring for Bride - The Groom
Wedding Gift for Bride - The Groom
Groomsmen/Usher Gifts - The Groom
Bride’s Bouquet - The Groom
Mother’s Corsages - The Groom
Groom’s Boutonniere - The Groom
Groomsmen Boutonnieres - The Groom
Usher’s Boutonnieres - The Groom
Marriage License - The Groom
Clergyman/Officiant Fee - The Groom
Limousine Service - The Groom
Honeymoon Arrangements - The Groom
Gloves/Ties/Ascots for Attendants - The Groom

Groom’s Cake - The Groom’s Family
Rehearsal Dinner - The Grooms Family
Father of Groom Formal Wear - Groom’s Family

Bachelor Party - Best Man/Groom’s Attendants
Best Man Formal Wear - Best Man
Usher’s Formal Wear - Ushers
Groomsmen’s Formal Wear - Groomsmen

Children’s Formal Wear - The Children’s Parents
Travel Expenses to the Wedding - Bride’s Family or Family Member
Accommodations for out-of town Guests - The Bride or Bride’s Family or Family Member
Gifts for the Couple - Guest, Attendants and Family

Handing a box around for donations is really not a choice, but asking for donations for a first home or registry items may offset some of the cost for the wedding.

I am somewhat suprised that in this day and age so much of the cost is still listed as under the bride’s family or paid for by the bride. Especially the wedding reception which is more than half of the cost. But then again I know a lot of brides and grooms doing non-traditional things with how they pay for their wedding. Some brides and grooms pool their money (or credit) and pay for the entire event themselves. They like this since it gives them full creative control over the event and they don’t have to work in all their parent’s requests and demands. Other parents want to get involved and pay for everything their son or daughter wants in a dream wedding. Some grooms’ families also are willing to pitch in although it is non-traditional if they don’t have a daughter provide a wedding for.

You have to approach the subject delicately with both parents (as well as with each other) and politely ask what if any involvement and financial contribution they would like to make or can make to the wedding. If parents can’t help it might be a fact of reality with the economy or jobs much more than a disapproval or unwillingness to help. I think every parent would like to help if they could, but the world doesn’t always work out the way we would like it to. In that situation it might be best to go it alone with your finance and see if a simpler informal wedding might be possible on just your budgets alone. 

I don’t advocate putting together a wedding on credit cards or going into debt to buy a fancier wedding than you can afford because it will hinder you in the next stage of life which could be buying a house and maybe having a baby. Getting a home loan requires a good credit score and babies are generally expensive until they graduate college, so a lot of wedding debt will just stop you from reaching your goals later on. Don’t fall into that trap, a simple cheaper wedding is better when it allows you to live your life debt free after the wedding. And being debt free is easier on your marriage in general.

I ended up being somewhat lucky in that both my fiance and I had some savings that we could use to pay for the wedding. We also both have generous parents that offered to help out with parts of it also. I am not sure who will fully end up paying for everything from the dress to the reception to the limo or the DJ yet but overall we have a group of people willing to talk about money and work it out.

My fiance and I started our wedding planning in Chicago by both putting 5K into the fund for the wedding to start with. After that both his parents and mine offered to contribute a couple thousand to the fund. Then he and I put a few more thousand in to round things out. The total looks like it will be around $18K for everything including the invitations, flowers, transportation, church, reception, food, bar, rings, dress, tuxes, photographer, videographer, DJ and favors. He and I will pay for the majority of the costs since we are older and more established and I feel good that this number is somewhat below the national average of $25,000.00 for a wedding in 2007.

I am pretty sure that in this recession economy a lot of people will be cutting back on wedding expenses and cutting costs wherever needed. I am personally looking at cheaper invitations than I would have probably chosen, cheaper dresses, a smaller invite list and no flowers for the altar at the church because my church has a huge altar that would never be filled with enough flowers to look wedding-ish. The places where we are still spending a lot of money, (more than we would like) is on the reception hall ($68 meals turn into $100 meals when sweets tables, hours devours, 20% tip and 7% tax are added) the car, (maybe getting a vintage one rented) and the photographer and videographer.

Whatever your situation is, be honest with yourself and with your family about what you can afford and be ok with whatever they can contribute even if it is just their blessing. I am trying to remember that all these circuses with the wedding reception really have nothing to do with how happy we will be together when we are married and we shouldn’t let anyone tell us otherwise.

No detail is to fancy for most Chicago Wedding Receptions.

I have written about our difficulty in finding a suitable wedding reception location in Chicago that had a minimum dollar amount and minimum person requirement we could meet! We eliminated the Naperville Country Club ($10,000 minimum), Seven Bridges Golf Club ($11,000 minimum), the Hyatt in Lisle (no minimum but it was $9,500 with everything included that we wanted) and Arrowhead Golf Club in Wheaton ($14,000.00 minimum) because with 80 people you can’t meet those minimum contract spends.

We also eliminated Abbington Banquets in Glen Ellyn and Ashton Place in Darien because they were in strip malls (but are otherwise nice places) next to a Wal Mart and a boarded up KFC Restaurant. (not the image we were looking for) (Cantigny Country Club in Wheaton wins if you want to skip to the end of the post) Chicago has a multitutde of places you can have a wedding reception, we just looked in the Suburbs near where our parents live since it was cheaper. There are many beautiful hotels downtown in Chicago that would be perfect for a wedding if we didn’t have a problem getting people there and back.

Then we found 3 new reception hall banquet type locations that were all willing to work with us on our small wedding and didn’t have minimum dollar spends that seemed to be a problem. The Hilton in Naperville was very nice and has more than one ballroom available so they can host wedding receptions of several sizes all at once. The Glen Oak Country Club in Glen Ellyn was also very nice and elegant. The Glen Oak Country Club requires you to know a member of their golf and country club in order to hold an event there but Steve’s parents knew several people who were willing to sponsor us. I also really liked that Glen Oak had a room for dancing with a vaulted ceiling and they also have a covered patio full of flowers that is very pretty.

The gardens outside the new Le Jardin banquet room at the Cantigny Estate in Wheaton.

Lastly we went to go look at Cantigny Golf Club in Wheaton. (pronounced: Cantee-nee) We heard there was a new building built on the grounds there overlooking the gardens called Le Jardin that was supposed to be beautiful. It was beautiful, but it was also booked through 2009. We tried the Golf Club next and surprise, they had an opening in July which we needed. The Cantigny grounds are beautiful and the red oak room looks out over a lake and the golf course. It is also recently re-decorated the whole building so it looks very nice and new.

The comparison between all three wedding reception locations was tricky because they were all about the same price. They all knew we wouldn’t have that many people so we just calculated the price per person in a spreadsheet with the dinner entrees (mostly between $70 and $80 per person) that we thought were the best and the bar package, cake, sweets tables, hours devours and champagne toasts included. They all seemed to cost between $7,000 and $8,000 for everything including sales tax and the mandatory 20%-22% gratuity. Yes, that is a lot of money but it is a lot less than some of the minimums we have run into before.

We visited all the reception locations one last time on Saturday and decided that Cantigny in Wheaton was going to be where we have our wedding reception. The minimum there was only $5,500 and they had the best view and interior of all 3 places. They did tell us that entree prices will go up a few dollars in 2009 and they will be changing the minimum spend from $5,500 to $7,500. Cantigny will also raise the reservation deposit from $500 to $1,000 in 2009 and it is no longer refundable. Luckily we were reserved for our wedding date before this took effect, otherwise we might not be able to meet $7,500 before tax and gratuity, which is how it is calculated. We haven’t chosen the details there yet but they have a package that includes everything from hours devours to champagne to dinner and the wedding cake through Pastry Pantry (a local popular wedding cake bakery for a lot of the reception halls). We also were humbled at the thought that this would be the only time in our lives that we would be hosting an $8,000 party.

Most all of the reception halls, hotels and country clubs we talked to in Chicago include the wedding cake in the package to make it easier for you to plan your wedding. But the package prices are sometimes steep and the minimum spend is a high price for convienience.

All of these reception and banquet halls as well as country clubs, have to think about profitability and I know food service businesses like restaurants run on a slim margin of profit. So, I understand the minimums even though I sometimes can’t afford them. That said, if you can’t afford to invite more than 100 people you probably can’t afford most really nice country clubs or reception halls. Almost every club and hall had a 100 person minimum too. Where do you go if you can’t afford more people? I am guessing smaller types of banquet facilities and maybe restaurants like Maggiano’s in Oak Brook who has a banquet facility built right in. Some hotels also have smaller rooms available in addition to the large ballroom and might be of help.

Anyway, this was the first major hurdle to planning our wedding. I had no idea I would have to see 9 Chicago reception places or do that much math and analysis in order to reserve a date. I can only fear what time and effort it will take to pick out a wedding dress.

I have been reading a lot of Bridal Magazines since everyone seems to be giving them to me. Right now I have

Giant Wedding Cakes by Martha Stewart Weddings Magazine

8 bridal magazines on my dining room table. I find some of their information really interesting since I have not planned a wedding before and have no frame of reference about cakes, flower centerpieces, dresses, bridal bouquets, or wedding decorations of any kind. Nor do I know how to get a “concept” for my wedding or choose a theme. I am not sure how the timeline works with planning all this yet either. No one really went over any of this before the engagement…

I like Martha Stewart Weddings Magazine for the style and creativity the bring to the bridal world even though some of their wedding ideas are not always practical. Martha Stewart has a small army of creative people working for her and they do all the research, design and leg work for these projects. They don’t care if it takes a week to set up if the picture turns out perfect for the wedding magazine. Most of us live in the real world though where that isn’t possible and we get married in hotel chain ballrooms and have to get things set up and taken down quickly.

Real people and real weddings have budgets too. So most of us can’t afford the fanciest matching table linnens, flowers or silver plate. This helps me understand the wedding business industry. The business of weddings seems to be about getting brides (and their mothers) to fall in love with some dream location or ball gown or flower. Then magazines like Martha Stewart Weddings they never mention the price of course. Then they know you are hooked and parents will do anything to help make the big day perfect so they fork over more money than most cars cost for the wedding and all the

perfect accoutriments. Sigh. I wish it was easier than that and that some of these perfect photos were more than a myth. I wish guests and relatives weren’t so judgemental and that weddings were more casual. Formality of dress doesn’t indicate the level of love at the ceremony.

Anyway, I still think Martha Stewart’s Wedding Magazines are informative and a bit dreamy even if they aren’t completley practical. I will enjoy the photos even though my wedding is probably not going to end up like one of Martha Stewart’s perfectly designed weddings. The thing is I am pretty sure we will be just as happy if not happier than those people who spent 40K on their weddings.

A range of colors in flowers for your wedding. All kinds including orchids, hydrangeas and roses from Martha Stewart Weddings Magazine

Yes, more reception hall sites! ( Carriage Greens Country Club in Darien, the Hyatt Hotel in Lisle and the Glen Oak Country Club in Glen Ellyn) I blogged about our difficulty in finding a reception space for my wedding in the southwest suburbs of Chicago last week and since then we have looked at 3 more locations in the Chicago suburbs. We have had a very hard time finding a reception place for our wedding because most of the places that we knew of or had been to weddings at before wanted larger (more profitable) weddings and a commitment of at least 10 thousand dollars, 11 thousand or 12 thousand spent to reserve the space and date. Yikes! We only think there will be between 80-100 people at our wedding because so many people would have to come in from out of town. In the recession economy we are not sure how many people would feel comfortable flying in from the far corners of the US just for a few days while a global bank and economy meltdown happens in front of us. 

If nothing else, this economic downturn has made us think twice about spending a lot on the wedding. We initially tried to start with a budget of $15,000 and the national average cost of a wedding is $25,000. I think we can do it. Finding the right reception hall location is a big part of staying under our budget limits. We talked to Seven Bridges and they require a minimum of $11,000 for Saturdays so they were instantly out of the running.  We had been using the menus and pricing plans from Naperville Country club and Arrowhead Golf club in Wheaton as a guide and calculated how much everything would cost for the reception with 80 people. Naperville Country Club came in at $8,000, not near their 10K minimum. Arrowhead golf club in wheaton came in at $9,500, not near their $14,000 minimum either. There were three new places we looked at this week: Carriage Greens Country Club in Darien, the Hyatt Hotel in Lisle and the Glen Oak Country Club in Glen Ellyn.

This is Carriage Greens Country Club in Darien, IL. They were ok but signs of wear and tear as well as old facilites didn't make us feel like it was the right place even though it has been the lowest cost we have found so far.

First we looked at Carriage Greens Country Club in Darien, and while they look low cost up front, (menus from $35-$50) their additional costs for appetizer hours devours by the order of 100 ($135) and $2.50 per person for a champagne toast drove the costs up to $6,500.00 including sales tax and their 17% gratuity. This is the lowest cost option we have found that includes all the usual accoutrements of a wedding reception. What we were not impressed with was the facility. Everything is 30 years old there and something about aluminum encased glass front doors from 1970, the old tiny square facet cut wine glasses, litterally no entry lobby and the narrowest dark halls I have ever seen makes me think people would think we were limited to spending less than 4K. Carriage Greens Country Club in Darien is booked for a lot if dates in 2009 though so some people like it.

The Hyatt was very nice and had everything you could ever want but they also had a lot of additonal costs for things other places included for free.

We went to the Hyatt hotel in Lisle next and found a wedding in progress. Their wedding coordinator was very nice to slip into her office during the ceremony that was going on in the pavilion tent and get us a price menu list and show us that $64.00 per person multiplied by 80 people would be around $5K. Wow, we were finally hopeful. Well when we got home and looked at the details we found that the Hyatt in Lisle was the most expensive option yet. They topped out the list at $10,500 for 80 people with tax and 22% gratuity.The kicker is that the $64.00 meal is really not that great so you have to at least upgrade to the $67 meal (and that is chicken or tilapia, no beef until you hit $78 per meal) and they also charge $9 per person for hours devours during cocktail hour and $16.00 per person for the sweets table. Holy mackerel! Talk about bait and switch. We certainly can’t afford that one. They lure you in by including things like the cake and giving you a complimentary suite for the day to use but those aren’t difficult things to paying for in a wedding and it is meant to distract you into thinking you are getting a lot for free and a good deal when other hidden charges are going to run the bill up later.

This is the Glen Oak Country Club in Glen Ellyn, IL. It has a quaint cottage feel and no minimum cost over 10K like some large places. We have our fingers crossed.

Lastly Steve’s parent suggested we check out Glen Oak Country club in Glen Ellyn near where they live. They aren’t members but they think they know some people who are and would be willing to sponsor us. We went to see the Glen Oak Country Club and the place was beautiful and charming. (a more intimate space than most banquet halls and hotels offer) The rooms are smaller since they are meant to be dining rooms and they did not have a minimum cost we had to meet and were ok with accommodating only 80 people. We went home and ran the numbers choosing Fillet Mignon and Chicken Piccata as 1/2 and 1/2 split menu for the guests entrees and including the bar costs and the hours devours.It came out to $7,000 after sales tax and 22% gratuity. The only thing missing from their package is a cake. We hope that would not drive the total costs up much more because the Glen Oak Country Club looks like the front runner in our search so far. It is elegant as well as not too expensive and the food is very good.

Now we just have to look at getting some questions answered from them and hopefully we will be on our way to booking a reception location within the next few weeks. We also have to get back to the church because the Deacon called wondering if we had found something else since it has been 2 weeks since we asked about having our wedding at Our Lady of Peace Church in Darien. We had to tell him what a difficult time it has been looking for reception halls and that we would have something soon so we could book an official date in July. I hope they didn’t think we were being rude or anything. It has just been difficult to find something. I hope we will get this figured out soon because we are going to know more about reception halls than we want to soon.

The racks of dresses at another Macy's Bridal Salon

I had to start my search for a wedding gown at Macy’s Bridal Salon in downtown Chicago on State Street. I grew up going to Marshall Fields in Oak Brook but they don’t have a bridal salon in that store. I have gotten more familiar with the State Street flagship Macy’s (Marshall Fields) since I began working downtown 3 years ago and it made sense to make an appointment for after work and try on some bridal gowns since it is only about 6 blocks away from work. So, on Friday I went to the appointment at the bridal salon on the 4th floor and here is how things went trying on wedding dresses at Macy’s in Chicago. 

First off the wedding dresses at Macy’s start at $1,500.00. They say they start at between $1,500 and 3,500 but why put 2 starting prices out there? The thing that I did not know is that Macy’s has the very high end dresses that are around $10,000 too. She asked me to point out the dresses that I thought I liked from the circular waiting area and of coursethe first one I liked was $5,000. Yikes! I guess my tastes are a little bigger than my savings account. My intention was to stay under $3K. (although there are other places where you can get a wedding dress for less than 1K that is very nice) Most of the other sample wedding dresses on the dress forms were examples of strapless, off the shoulder and halter top gowns. Most had some beading, lace or ornamentation on them but none were over the top gaudy. I also had some pictures of wedding dresses from the internet of Watters and Watters, Lazzaro and Anne Barge that I brought with me. She had some ideas and we went to work.

This is a good example of a trumpet style gown although a fancier one than I tried on at Macy's.

The dressing rooms at all bridal salons seem to be similar. Macy’s had a large 3 way mirrorwith large lights on each side and a pedistal in front of it for the bride to stand on to get an idea of what the wedding gown looks like with the skirt spread out a bit. This platform you stand on is also used for alterations and fittings later on. Most wedding gowns require a massive amount of alteration to fit properly. First the make them really long so even the tallest girls can wear them and then they also standardize all the sizing so they are easy to manufacture with the least amount possible of customization at the factory. Then when the wedding dress arrives at Macy’s (or whatever store you go to) the alteration ladies make magic happen so it fits you like a glove.

The wedding gowns that are popular at Macy’s and in all the magazines are all meant to be form fitting and pretty much skin tight. The social pressure to be thin also makes brides consious of any extra material making them look fat in all those wedding pictures. When you buy your dress, check the listed fees for hemming the skirt, creating the bustle for the train, taking in the seams or adding sleeves or making a small shrug jacket. These costs all get built into the total you have to pay, so whatever dress you pick will most likley need another $500.00 in alterations unless your mom or someone you know is willing to alter it for free. But beware, most bridal salons will notallow you to bring adress back to the store for alterations. So, if you want someone to do it for you elsewhere, be sure they have the ability to follow through before you take it from Macy’s.

I was lucky that the bridal consultant at Macy’s had several of the dresses that I brought pictures of from the intrnet. That is the benefit of shopping at a large department store like Macy’s, they carry a ton of great designers so you don’t have to limit your search to just one. I also found that the bridal consultant at Macy’s knew more about what was currently available in wedding gown styles and what she had at the bridal salon than I did. She ended up bringing out several  wedding dresses that I didn’t think I would like but they looked better on me than the ones I had picked out on the internet. She also was nice to stay in the price range that I specified and all the dresses were beautiful even though they were on the low end price range for what Macy’s has available. I liked the trumpet style skirt even though when I saw those dresses online I did not think I would look good in them. I like that the skirt doesn’t flare out until lower around your knees so it isn’t as poufy as some a-line dresses and it makes you look thinner. (and it is lighter to wear without all that toulle petticoat underneath) And considering I am currently a size 12 and want to be a size 8 by the time of my wedding, any little bit making me look thinner helps. Plus I am very heavy busted so finding a dress with enough support will be tricky anyway.

What kind of cake should you get for the wedding? Why not get both favorites chocolate and vanilla swirl?

I have heard that most grooms just rent a tux, buy the rings and show up on the wedding day to get married. Everything else in the wedding planning has been traditionally been left to the bride. I think initially that made sense years ago when there wasn’t much to plan and weddings were simpler. Now weddings are a much more complicated affair and there is far more work coordinating a hotel or country club wedding than the old fashioned kind that would simply happen in someones yard or a VFW hall.

I understand that grooms are not unlike regular men who dislike or at least don’t care about table linen colors or flower choices. You will put your groom to sleep discussing the intricate details about how you can’t use Peonies in a bouquet because they wilt without water in about an hour. Same deal for all the wedding dress styles. You can’t blame them really, I am not sure I would care either if I wasn’t a bride.

I do think that more men are getting involved in the planning of their weddings now. My fiance is too. So far he has only zoned out on the flower discussion which I totally expected. He has been very involved in going to see reception halls and getting a guest list together. In fact he is the one hosting this site too. I think other grooms enjoy planning (and tasting) the food and cake for the event and some really like the idea of planning the honeymoon so they can pick all kinds of cool things to do. I have also heard that Grooms are more particular about the music so they want to pick the DJ and make sure that is taken care of. All these things are a lot of fun if you make sure to ask your bride if she is ok with the decisions like she asks you when she orders flowers. She may not care a lot, but it is important for her to be informed before money is spent.

Planning a wedding isn’t unlike planning or doing things together in life really. Is planning a wedding together a good test of your relationship? It takes good clear communication to plan a wedding especially if you divide and conquer tasks and are not working on the same projects together. Informing the other one about what you have researched and decided is imperative for them to stay in the loop and not feel like it isn’t a fair say in how things turn out. In real marriage making decisions together is imperative too so one or the other doesn’t feel like they don’t have a say in things or feel like they have no control over their situation. I do feel like couples get certain expert subject areas for the bride and groom and they probably have final say there but the discussion is open for all to take part.

Planning a wedding together also takes a lot of patience because few things will work out as you thought they would. Life is also full of surprises. Planning your wedding also takes a budget and money conversations are important in staying financially secure and managing your relationship. Remember how many divorces happen because of money issues? (I don’t know that statistic, but it’s a large percentage) It makes sense now to write out a budget (or do it in Excel like we did) and estimate what things will cost and how much you can afford. Discussing options along the way and their costs is important too. And don’t forget to log everything you spend on a list or spreadsheet. This is a great starter lesson for learning how to manage money in a relationship.

Also planning a wedding is a lot like compromising in real life. My brother recently said that compromise is a lose lose situation because nobody gets what they want. (He is so wrong… and a dork) Compromise is really about both people getting certain aspects of what they want, usually the most important parts. You really realize what is most important to you when you have to make choices especially when the bride and groom work together on that. 

So, whatever you do to plan your wedding, try and plan things together and manage the costs together too. It is really a great training ground for your marriage and hopefully things will get done a lot faster with the groom helping too. Although you may have to work around football game times to do the planning unless you have a DVR.

This is Arrowhead Country Club in Wheaton. Nice Decor, high minimum price of $14,000.00 on Saturdays and price per person of $90 and up.

Picking a date for my wedding has hinged on finding a location to hold the wedding reception in Chicago. There are no shortage of Country Clubs, Golf Clubs, Banquet Halls, Hotels and Large Restaurant locations in Chicago and the suburbs, but yet my wedding reception search has been difficult.

The reasons the search for a reception location in planning my wedding has been difficult are that:

1. We have a small wedding. Maybe 75 people will be there. It won’t meet minimum spend requirements for large places like Arrowhead Golf Club in Wheaton or the Naperville Country Club.

2. We don’t want to spend a huge amount per person. We would like good food and a pleasant atmosphere for the wedding reception but we don’t need something overly extravagant. We thought the prices would be between $50 and $100 per person and they are. That said, $100 per person or more is just too much. So we often don’t meet the minimum spend for the banquet rooms we like. Arrowhead Golf Club in Wheaton has a $14,000.00 minimum cost on Saturdays and Naperville Country Club has a minimum spend of $10,000.00 for a Saturday Wedding reception. We can’t make that total spend without going over $100.00 per person with this few guests.

3. We are finding that the nice places to have a wedding reception are already booked for weddings on many Saturdays throughout the year. We were originally planning on late April 2009 but now we are also considering July 2009 for family travel reasons. Some smaller less cool looking places may have better availability. We haven’t heard back from Seven Bridges in Woodridge or Carriage Greens Country Club in Darien yet.

Naperville Country Club is nice too, but they have a $10,000.00 minimum and price per person of $75+

So, this leaves us 2 weeks into being engaged and no date or location planned for the wedding yet. Booking a reception hall in Chicago is a lot harder than it looks if you have a small wedding. If Seven Bridges in Woodridge doesn’t have room or a good cost and Carriage Greens in Darien doesn’t either, we may not know where to go next. Maybe we would look at some hotels like the Hilton in Lisle or the Mariott Rennisance in Oak Brook? The problem is that we only can look on Saturdays and Sundays and otherwise we don’t make any progress. It is slow planning a wedding when you have to work all week.

I am not a fan of the strip mall banquet rooms like the Abbington next to Wal Mart in Glen Ellyn or the Ashton Place in Darien. I had my prom at Ashton Place and the Marie’s Catering was horrible. The food was almost unedible and my date got so sick we had to go home while he spent a few hours on the toilet. Granted, that was back in 1993 but if it is the same company running it I can’t take the risk of my guests getting sick at my wedding.

Generally though all the Country Clubs, Banquet Halls and Hotels all have a lot included in their packages. Most have gone to a package deal kind of service where everything from the dinner to the drinks to the cake are included. Some even throw in some fringe benefit like a free room for the bride and groom or spa package as a perk. The problem though is that they expect you to sign and commit to the booking before doing a food tasting and without knowing your total number of guests. It is really like spending $8,000 on a car sight unseen. In any other industry this would never be acceptable. Sometimes I can’t believe the things the wedding industry gets away with and how much of a marked up racket it really is.

Seven Bridges in Woodridge is another Wedding Reception Location but they have a $11,000.00 Saturday minimum spend also.

The lessons learned about planning a wedding reception in Chicago so far are,

1. If you have a small wedding stay away from big banquet halls and country clubs, they have minimums you can’t meet unless you pay over $100.00 per person and to do that you would have to serve lobster tail.

2. It is possible to plan a quick wedding (even if there is no baby) in 2, 3 or 6 months. This plan it over 12-18 months thing is really unnecessary unless you have to save up to pay for it.

3. Every wedding planner at these reception locations is really a high pressure sales person that is trying to lock you into a deal where they provide everything and they don’t do ala carte services. So, if you want to have a particular bakery make your cake or a certain type of wine expect it to be difficult to get them to break it out of the price because it is less money for them. 

4. There is no guarantee of service or quality of food when you book a wedding reception location in Chicago or the south west suburbs. You can’t taste the food beforehand and they don’t guarantee anything. Plus your full payment is demanded 10 days before the wedding so there isn’t even anything you can withhold if they don’t follow through. Asking for a refund will fall on deaf ears.

So, basically I am not happy right now. Nothing we thought would work out has actually worked so far. We haven’t made any progress in 2 weeks. Hopefully I will have better news the next time I post.

Update: The Seven Bridges club also got back to us and they have a 100 person minimum and a $11,000.00 minimum spend also. So, they’re out too.

The classic engagement ring with a 1 CT center round brilliant diamond

The first step in our engagement process was to find and buy an engagement ring.

I went through many iterations of what I thought was a pretty engagement ring over the years, and as styles changed I came back to liking a very classic style. I was not sure what Steve was going to think of this since engagement rings are one of the most expensive parts of getting engaged and married. I did not know how much to spend on a ring and he did not either. This was a totally new process for both of us.

Later in the day after we got engaged, (realizing all the jewelry stores were closed that day already) we sat down at the computer together and looked at some jewelry web sites and some engagement rings online. Steve ended up at the same site I have seen every guy end up at: BlueNile.com. They must come up #1 in Google for the search on “engagement rings”. We didn’t find much selection there in the engagement ring and wedding ring sets that I liked but we did find a good description of the different diamond grades, the color, cut and carat weight values and a search option for the stones themselves.

The cost of a 1 carat (1ct) diamond stone can range from $5,000.00 to $10,000.00. That is a huge range in price! I am not sure if the difference in the diamonds was evident looking at them though because there were no pictures from that individual diamond stone search function on the site, just the grades and cost info. (I am pretty sure they all sparkle) Then we decided we would go to James and Williams Jewelers in Berwyn and Fay & Co in Naperville next weekend so we could look in person. (My parents got their rings at James and Williams in Berwynin 1965 and Steve’s parents have bought things at Fay & Co before so they were recommended) The budget part of this was tricky, Steve knew that he would most likley buy his ring, but since I wasn’t sure how much it would cost and they are soooo expensive I offered to help out a little with the cost too. Saving money on a diamond would be nice but since you wear it forever I wanted a nice one and was willing to help pay or contribute small stones I had in other rings. This whole next six months is going to be expensive and we do have to stay within budget.

I was pretty sure of what styles of engagement rings I thought were pretty, and it was a single round brilliant cut solitaire white gold ring with one baguette going down each side. I was hoping for around one carat in stone size but if we couldn’t afford it that was ok too. That style of ring is similar to my mom’s style except that now they do some interesting things with the designs of prongs and settings for the solitaire that jewelers did not have back then. I also knew that white gold shows off white diamonds better than yellow because it reflects white light into the stone. This makes it lighter and more brilliant. The BlueNile.com site listed this white gold setting with one round diamond in the center and one baguette on each side in a set with a matching wedding ring for $1,800.00. We didn’t know if that is high or low, but it seemed a little higher than what we expected. I also think that the cost of gold going up latley has impacted the price of wedding rings just because the cost per ounce has risen.

The part of the engagement ring search that we did not know about was that Steve’s mom had some old engagement and wedding rings from her family that she wanted to see if we wanted to look at. This was really generous of her and we couldn’t possibly appreciate it more. What we did not know at the time was what they looked like, or if we could use a stone from one or if it would be an entire ring intact. Sometimes when vintage rings get passed around as heirlooms they get the stones taken out for new rings when people get married. It is a way to save a lot of money and stay within your budget.

This is not my ring but mine looks similar and does not have the rows of diamonds above and below the main stone.

We ended up visiting Steve’s parents on Tuesday three days after we got engaged. They had several vintage family rings but most had a few stones missing or were cocktail rings not designed for an engagement ring. (nothing would fit around it as a wedding band) We were wowwed by the rings in general and their antique filigree detail. It was also nice to hear some of the stories about the women who wore these rings and when they were from. It makes things so much more special.

Even though we could have passed on the vintage rings and gone and bought a new engagement ring or set at a store but I chose a vintage one. I really changed my view of what an engagement ring should look like when I saw his grandmother’s engagement ring. My ring is a three stone engagement ring from around 1900 that has some beautiful engraving detail on the sides and two small diamonds going down each side also. I love the detail in the setting and that it has been through 2 successful marriages already. I also like that the ring doesn’t have any conflict diamonds in it from Africa since we know that the diamonds came from an industrial diamond mine in the US that the family used to own.

Since then we have been to the two jewelers who were helpful but didn’t have much to say about my ring since they can’t sell me something since I already have one. One even went as far as saying it wasn’t worth much since it was a mine cut (European cut) diamond and those are not worth much anymore. Since then though I have learned that the diamond industry really began cutting diamonds the narrow long way that they do for efficiency of using every last bit of the stone and not loosing diamond in the carving. The ones that were mine cut or European cut have more colors and a larger space on top to reflect the light. They sparkle in a different and more elegant way I think.

Anyway I am not going to listen to anyone that tries to make me feel like the special ring that Steve gave me isn’t worthwhile because they can’t make a sale. I love it and it is part of what makes our relationship truly unique. If you have access to any family rings passed down from grandmothers or aunts, take a look at getting them refurbished and cleaned up to use. It is good to not have to buy a blood diamond and extra

This is just one example of a very pretty white gold vintage filligree engagement ring set you could find on ebay for a few hundred dollars.

special that you get to pass down a family heirloom. If you don’t have any family engagement rings to pass down, you can always check ebay and craigslist in your area to find people selling vintage rings they don’t want anymore. A lot of people also pick up great estate jewelry that is perfect for weddings and engagements. (and sometimes costs a lot less!) Plus I think the detail in the old rings is much prettier than what is available in jewelry stores today. Another benefit is that it helps you stay within your budget on the whole wedding. Not having to buy a new ring saves a lot of money, even if it is only the engagement ring.

Leave a comment below and let me know how your engagement rings shopping experience was and if you have a special story to share.

How to propose to your girlfriend the old fashioned way

Welcome to my blog: The Chicago Wedding and Bridal Blog by a real live Chicago bride. I just got engaged to my boyfriend Steve on Saturday 9/27/2008 and I am thrilled! I wanted to blog about the process that we are going through now to plan our wedding. It is also something I wanted to do because I wanted to archive this time in my life because it passes so quickly. I have 3 other blogs already so it made sense to write about this aspect of my life on a new blog especially if it can be of help to other Chicago brides and couples looking to research this very happy yet expensive time. I plan to write about all the companies and vendors I meet and how we plan on getting this whole event together for less than the average amount of money it costs to get married these days.

I am still not sure if everything has hit me yet. I am not giddy or crying or a mess. I can recall though how my boyfriend popped the proposal question:

Most guys try to do something unique like capturing the moment by hiring a secret photographer to follow them while he asks or taking their girlfriend to a super fancy restaurant to propose and have the ring presented in the champaign glass or something. I am not sure that expensive equates with special or love but some people are into that. Steve and I are kind of simple and direct about things and we try not to spend a lot of money on things that don’t last a long time. So, he didn’t do anything elaborate or fancy when he asked.

We had a small party on Friday night for my birthday and got up late the next morning. We were eating cold leftover pizza and considering looking at some marketing plans for his business since that is what I do for a living. He said instead he wanted to give me my birthday present. I was a little unsure of what that was because Steve isn’t the kind of guy that knows what gifts to get people and he didn’t ask at all about what I wanted or needed for a birthday gift this year. I thought this meant it might be the big question but I was almost too scared that thinking about it would jinx it. So, I was avoiding any proposal related questions or topics for the last few weeks.

Steve first gave me a sweet birthday card that said I was the one, and some very cute things about spending our lives together. I told him that I wanted that too. Then he just asked, Well I wanted to know if you would marry me? And I asked if he was really sure he wanted that because I had been the one saying that if he wanted to ask the answer was yes, and it was a no risk question. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t projecting my wants on him and that he wanted this on his own. And he did. He really wanted this and made the decision based on his feelings. Then I told him that yes I would marry him of course and said that I would always do my best in the relationship and that I was thrilled. I was a total crying mess, but then again I am a bit emotional about big things like this. It was happy tears. He didn’t have an engagement ring because he didn’t know anything about jewelry or what to choose so instead he borrowed a ring from his mom to give me as a temporary ring and I am wearing it right now. It was his great grandmother’s wedding band. It was sweet of him to do that and still have a ring at that moment while letting me choose what style I want. (and I have no idea yet) We figure this may take a few weeks to get settled and decided.

The other part of the story that you probably don’t know is that we are older than most engaged couples. I am 33 and Steve is 36. Neither of us have ever been married, nor planned a wedding. (nor lived with anyone else before) So, this should all be quite the adventure. I think we are both somewhat surprised that we found each other later in life but we feel lucky at the same time.

The other thing is that we are both first born kids in each of our families and are pretty headstrong and each used to being right about things. We will see how much conflict that creates in planning a wedding or if we will find a way to reach middle ground on everything. Neither one of us is very argumentative, and we are similar in tastes so hopefully this means that it will be somewhat less painful than some engagements that I have seen. I am also determined to be a calm relaxed bride rather than a bridezilla.

Everyone has told us to just chill out and enjoy our engagement but at the same time we are being barraged by questions about where and when we will get married. Ack! I know nothing about all that yet, nor do I know how to plan a wedding. This will be very interesting!!