Chicago Wedding and Bridal Blog

From Big Wedding Tiny Budget - How to not break the bank by figuring out who pays for what or how much from the start to plan your budget. This little piggy saved money.

Deciding who will pay for what at your wedding in Chicago is one of the most important things to start figuring out when you get engaged. How much money you have to work with and who is taking part in the planning will determine a lot about what you end up doing. The thing is, money is a difficult topic to talk about, especially with family. You may not want to start your engagement and wedding planning process out with the tough questions, but if you don’t ask parents or relatives or your fiance about how much you can afford to spend, you will out spend yourself very quickly in Chicago. There are a lot of books on wedding traditions, protocol, etiquette and manners that involve rules about who pays for what. You can find most of these wedding cost lists online and they usually look something like this:

 Traditional Breakdown of Expenses

Wedding Ring for Groom - The Bride
Wedding Gift for Groom - The Bride
Bridesmaid Gifts - The Bride
Bridesmaid Luncheon - The Bride

Wedding Gown, Headpiece & Accessories - The Bride’s Family
Church Fee - The Bride’s Family
Bridesmaid Bouquets - The Bride’s Family
Grandmother Corsages - The Bride’s Family
Ceremony/Reception Flowers - The Bride’s Family
Altar Flowers/Arches - The Bride’s Family
Canopy/Carpet/Isle runner - The Bride’s Family
Kneeling Bench/Candleabrahs - The Bride’s Family
Rented Items for Wedding - The Bride’s Family
Rented Items for Reception - The Bride’s Family
Invitations/Announcements - The Bride’s Family
Wedding Programs - The Bride’s Family
Napkins/Matches/Printed Items - The Bride’s Family
Musician/Soloist - The Bride’s Family
Church Janitor - The Bride’s Family
Reception Hall Fee - The Bride’s Family
Catered Reception/Professional Services - The Bride’s Family
Wedding Photography - The Bride’s Family
Video Photography - The Bride’s Family
Orchestra/Band/DJ - The Bride’s Family
Wedding Cake - The Bride’s Family
Wedding Favors - The Bride’s Family
Rice Bags - The Bride’s Family
Wedding Breakfast - The Bride’s Family
Father of Bride Formal Wear - Bride’s Family
Bridal Brunch - The Bride’s Family

Maid of Honor Gown - Maid of Honor
Matron of Honor Gown -Matron of Honor
Bridesmaid’s Gowns - Bridesmaid’s

Wedding Ring for Bride - The Groom
Wedding Gift for Bride - The Groom
Groomsmen/Usher Gifts - The Groom
Bride’s Bouquet - The Groom
Mother’s Corsages - The Groom
Groom’s Boutonniere - The Groom
Groomsmen Boutonnieres - The Groom
Usher’s Boutonnieres - The Groom
Marriage License - The Groom
Clergyman/Officiant Fee - The Groom
Limousine Service - The Groom
Honeymoon Arrangements - The Groom
Gloves/Ties/Ascots for Attendants - The Groom

Groom’s Cake - The Groom’s Family
Rehearsal Dinner - The Grooms Family
Father of Groom Formal Wear - Groom’s Family

Bachelor Party - Best Man/Groom’s Attendants
Best Man Formal Wear - Best Man
Usher’s Formal Wear - Ushers
Groomsmen’s Formal Wear - Groomsmen

Children’s Formal Wear - The Children’s Parents
Travel Expenses to the Wedding - Bride’s Family or Family Member
Accommodations for out-of town Guests - The Bride or Bride’s Family or Family Member
Gifts for the Couple - Guest, Attendants and Family

Handing a box around for donations is really not a choice, but asking for donations for a first home or registry items may offset some of the cost for the wedding.

I am somewhat suprised that in this day and age so much of the cost is still listed as under the bride’s family or paid for by the bride. Especially the wedding reception which is more than half of the cost. But then again I know a lot of brides and grooms doing non-traditional things with how they pay for their wedding. Some brides and grooms pool their money (or credit) and pay for the entire event themselves. They like this since it gives them full creative control over the event and they don’t have to work in all their parent’s requests and demands. Other parents want to get involved and pay for everything their son or daughter wants in a dream wedding. Some grooms’ families also are willing to pitch in although it is non-traditional if they don’t have a daughter provide a wedding for.

You have to approach the subject delicately with both parents (as well as with each other) and politely ask what if any involvement and financial contribution they would like to make or can make to the wedding. If parents can’t help it might be a fact of reality with the economy or jobs much more than a disapproval or unwillingness to help. I think every parent would like to help if they could, but the world doesn’t always work out the way we would like it to. In that situation it might be best to go it alone with your finance and see if a simpler informal wedding might be possible on just your budgets alone. 

I don’t advocate putting together a wedding on credit cards or going into debt to buy a fancier wedding than you can afford because it will hinder you in the next stage of life which could be buying a house and maybe having a baby. Getting a home loan requires a good credit score and babies are generally expensive until they graduate college, so a lot of wedding debt will just stop you from reaching your goals later on. Don’t fall into that trap, a simple cheaper wedding is better when it allows you to live your life debt free after the wedding. And being debt free is easier on your marriage in general.

I ended up being somewhat lucky in that both my fiance and I had some savings that we could use to pay for the wedding. We also both have generous parents that offered to help out with parts of it also. I am not sure who will fully end up paying for everything from the dress to the reception to the limo or the DJ yet but overall we have a group of people willing to talk about money and work it out.

My fiance and I started our wedding planning in Chicago by both putting 5K into the fund for the wedding to start with. After that both his parents and mine offered to contribute a couple thousand to the fund. Then he and I put a few more thousand in to round things out. The total looks like it will be around $18K for everything including the invitations, flowers, transportation, church, reception, food, bar, rings, dress, tuxes, photographer, videographer, DJ and favors. He and I will pay for the majority of the costs since we are older and more established and I feel good that this number is somewhat below the national average of $25,000.00 for a wedding in 2007.

I am pretty sure that in this recession economy a lot of people will be cutting back on wedding expenses and cutting costs wherever needed. I am personally looking at cheaper invitations than I would have probably chosen, cheaper dresses, a smaller invite list and no flowers for the altar at the church because my church has a huge altar that would never be filled with enough flowers to look wedding-ish. The places where we are still spending a lot of money, (more than we would like) is on the reception hall ($68 meals turn into $100 meals when sweets tables, hours devours, 20% tip and 7% tax are added) the car, (maybe getting a vintage one rented) and the photographer and videographer.

Whatever your situation is, be honest with yourself and with your family about what you can afford and be ok with whatever they can contribute even if it is just their blessing. I am trying to remember that all these circuses with the wedding reception really have nothing to do with how happy we will be together when we are married and we shouldn’t let anyone tell us otherwise.