Chicago Wedding and Bridal Blog

Something about labeling books so you know who's is who's and who gets the wagon wheel table in a divorce. Billy Crystal looks confused. So am I.

So, this post isn’t really about wedding planning in Chicago, but it is an important question in regards to the relationship you are permanently entering with marriage. I am asking this question about when it’s ok to move in together even if it’s before the wedding because I am in the process of moving in with my Fiance’ now.

I own a condo and have been perfectly self sufficient and happy there for the last 7 years but I realized last week that I would rather move all my stuff into his town-home than move myself and cat back into my place and be without him. I spent a week here recuperating from getting my wisdom teeth removed. And in a twist of fate I gained the knowledge that we are much happier together than apart.

So, I went home, picked up more clothes, toiletries and cat food and came back for another week. We moved a few more boxes of my stuff here this weekend and plan on slowly moving things over as time allows. My vintage 1 br condo has been for sale since Thanksgiving in November and it shows no sign of being sold any time soon in this crap real estate market. So, we’re not saving any money doing this, (still paying 2 mortgages) just saving time driving back and forth (sometimes up to an hour each way) and saving either of the cats from the trauma of being left alone for 48 hours over the weekends.

It startled me a bit when I realized we were happier together and wanted to stay, because I always believed those sayings about living together before marriage is a good way to end up in divorce. I was also told many times that if you give in and just live with them a man will never marry you. Are these just old wives tales?

I think there is some truth to the men will never settle down if you let them have it all up front, but Steve really isn’t that type. Plus we’re only 4 months away from the wedding anyway so it’s not like we aren’t going through with it. I also think we get a bonus in time to get adjusted living together. And as happy as it makes us to come home to someone besides a feline, it is still a lot of work.

Our schedules are as different as our stuff. We’re both giving up as much as we are getting here. I have a much longer commute to the city to work every day and he is tasked with dropping me off and picking me up from the train since there is a 7 year waiting list for a parking spot at the Metra train station in Naperville.

Steve sorting through 12 years of man-stuff so we can build an office for 2

He watches copious amounts of TV when he gets home in the evening and doesn’t buy vegetables. I am not used to his 1983 kitchen since I got mine pretty much built to order and organized just how I like it. His mattress has a cave in the center and my makeup clutters up his bathroom now. I like to sing along with Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova CDs although I really can’t sing. Our cats seemed to get along until mine decided it was a sport to chase his and corner them while hissing. So, it’s not as idyllic as you think it’s going to be. Plus there is the inevitable duplicates of everything…silverware, plates, wine glasses, sofas, TVs, beds…and nowhere to put any of it. If this all sounds a bit comical, it is. None of it has created any fights or real tension, just looks of cluelessness every time we come across something new we weren’t expecting.

I also have to remember not to take it personally when he works late (like tonight) and needs a few hours in front of the TV watching SWAT shows instead of being able to discuss wedding planning stuff. He has to remember not to take it personally when I put plastic in the dish washer and use a washcloth only once before tossing it in the hamper.

Overall though, I am happy that we get to work these quirks/lifestyles/things out now before we’re married so when something temporarilly goes wrong you don’t feel trapped and panic wondering what you’re doing living there. On the other hand, if we weren’t engaged and close to being married I probably wouldn’t trust him so much to move in. It has been an eye opening process to go through.

I spent some time collecting some more things this evening at my place and looking around and appreciating it. Sometime within the next year (?) I won’t own it anymore. That single city girl phase of my life will be officially over and all the things I did there will be distant memories. I looked around at everything thinking it was already too late to take pictures, because a lot of my stuff has been moved out, the moment has already passed and I didn’t even capture it. I hope I can remember the details of the place that I picked out and really did like living in for that time.

I am sure Steve and I will be happy together but I will always remember that one time in my life that I was truly self sufficient, owned my own condo, had all my time as my own and had total peace and quiet whenever I wanted it. (except when my neighbors decided otherwise) Somehow the prospect of life with a husband and kids seems like it will be far more crazy, loud and hectic in the years to come.