Chicago Wedding and Bridal Blog

I read this post about how many women change their last name after getting married and thought about how this has affected me thus far. I got married to Steve in July of 2009 and I chose to change my last name to his family last name and use my last name as my new middle name, eliminating the middle name. I felt that a shorter simpler name (from 9 letters to 5) would be easier for business since most people when meeting me would be able to pronounce it. I also thought that it was a nice symbolic beginning to our lives together as a married couple.

That is where the happy happy joy joy ended. I was deeply attached to my last name and it’s long consonant filled Polish identity. What is a Yates anyway? It is also somewhat complicated to change your name with all the documentation these days. Everything from my driver’s license to my credit cards had to be changed one by one and none were quick or easy. The social security name update took the longest, with a day off work because they are not ever open on evenings, weekends or holidays. And there are so few offices. The credit cards required you to call since the website could not handle the change and they wanted more verification from you. They did send out a personally signed congrats card though after the call. That was nice from BOA.

But the biggest problem with changing my name is remembering that it is changed. After 34 years it’s still my innate response to say my old last name and then the new one and use both or explain I am recently married and the name change thing hasn’t quite sunk in yet. I also felt like in a way I was abandoning my parents and brother since I’m the only one that has to have a new last name. Its kind of like being forcibly seperated from them on paper even though you know nothing has really changed in real life. (well according to law Steve is now first of kin for everything rather than my parents/brother so it is a change of sorts in real life too) That is why I kept my last name in the middle name slot. I wanted there to be some documentation of my original last name so if/when anything happens my official records list my old last name too so I can be historically linked to my parents/brother. 

So, after all this I don’t think it’s socially awkward for women to give up their last name when they get married but at the same time I know why some of them hyphenate their names or keep the old one. Your identity and everything you do in your job and socially is tied to that name. It seems difficult to start over when you don’t have to. I also see that famous people probably want to keep their names for the recognition standpoint. I also think that it is an issue that you have to change everything back if you get divorced. So, it’s a complicated decision and one that may take a long time to figure out. It is different for everybody.