One Year Married - First Anniversary
We made it through not only the wedding prep process and wedding itself, but we have been married now for over a year. Our anniversary was July 11th and we went to the Golf Club where the reception was to have brunch, because it was included with our package. We have done a lot in a year, sold both our properties and bought a house. All that moving, buying and selling does make time fly. We were shocked at how fast one year went and how far removed we were from the place we were in the last time we visited Cantigny.
In the last year we’ve learned what being married really means in every day terms. We got married because we had hopes and dreams that this would make both of our lives better, happier and more fulfilling. We found out that the benefits to being married to someone you love are real, but there is a lot of work too. And that gets amplified when there is a lot going on.
We found that living together is better than living alone and moving into a house that we hope to stay in until we retire has been a collaborative process of nesting and realizing some of our dreams. We have also found that with all the work that had to be done on the properties we sold and the work we have to do on the current home, there is not a lot of downtime to just sit back and enjoy things.
We find that we have to work hard at communicating what is happening and how to get things done because we aren’t actually the best at interpreting each other’ssignals yet. And we have somewhat different ideas about timing for things. We have also found out that the level of responsibility with a big house is a lot more than a condo or town home and its exhausting sometimes.
We also found that we have to carve time out for ourselves and still do things that are just our own individually. It’s easy to think you will do everything together but sometimes its good to go do my own stuff also.
I think it has also taught us about how to be a family. We had three cats when we got married and shortly after our first anniversary we lost our favorite, most outgoing cat Pogo to cancer (he was only 13). It felt like losing a child to both of us. We also lost my grandmother in March and my grandfather in August. Having someone to talk through these difficult times with is better than sitting wondering all alone but we learned we process things emotionally in very different ways.
What does all this mean about getting married? I think it proves that there is a lot of work involved. The communicating and trying to balance what you want, he wants and has to be done all at the same time is a challenge. We do it because we wouldn’t want to be without each other ever again, but its doesn’t mean its a cake walk. We have plenty of stressful moments.
Nobody likes it when you both walk in late from work, there is nothing to eat in the house and all the restaurants are closed already. The cats want dinner, their litter boxes are full, the plants are wilting from not getting any water yet, the Japanese beetles have eaten half the yard and there are bills to be paid and calls to be returned and dishes to be put away and garbage to be collected from the wastebaskets all over the house for the next morning’s pickup. And one of the cats has a hairball tossed up on the sofa. And there is probably laundry still in the dryer to be folded and maybe the air conditioner isn’t working again. This very real list goes on. You divide and conquer, or if Steve is at work, I just start with what I see first and try my best. Some nights you fall into bed at 2am thinking, did we talk to each other today? And I try and send a cute email to him in the morning. Or how am I going to ever get things done? And sometimes we just open a bottle of Boone’s Farm because we need it. I never understood how someone “needed” a drink until we bought this house. (Luckilly one is my limit.)
I don’t feel like there has been anything that has come up that I wouldn’t have expected to be normal in a relationship. We both feel extremely lucky to have found each other and lucky to get married in our late 30’s. Our biggest challenges have been in the house department and keeping up with our demanding jobs. If you are contemplating getting married, I recommend it, but I also recommend a smaller house and possibly hiring a housekeeper.